Dominoes

Ok I know, no blogging for ages...
sorry to anyone who might think I'm ignoring or not bothering with them.. it's not that at all...

It's just there's a rather interesting game of dominos happening here which is keeping us all busy. You know the thing, one thing leads to another and so on, and although it's tiring, you really just have to go with it. Change always requires effort in some form, but I am conscious that I'm actually happier than I have been for a long time even while I'm busy straying out of comfort zones and rising to challenges
The rewards are worth it, even though today has been a stressful reminder that we all get days when it doesn't quite all come together as it should and so we just have to try harder next time round!!

It has also given me a chance to look at stuff from the past and maybe put some of it to rest for a while, or maybe for good.. who knows... but whatever, it is beneficial - we drag so much stuff around with us and don't always get the chance to air it and give it a real chance of belonging in the past. Sometimes we just need someone to listen and appreciate what we are actually telling them, however silly it may sound to other people. One person not to dismiss it as unimportant, one person to care enough to see it as important because it is important to us...
so that's that, and it is good... :)


Then there is the mac story intertwined amongst the rest of life...
an almost careless comment online led to a friend realising that I did actually own a mac, but it fairly quickly became apparent that we had somewhat underused this piece of machinery... for eerrrmmm about two years...!

You see the reason we bought it was for R's art work, only I had kind of highjacked it, and to be fair only really used it for blogging and quick access to the internet because it is so much faster than the pc...

I had no idea of its potential - or maybe I did, I just didn't know how to unlock it...

So, for reasons best known to himself, this exceedingly patient and now longsuffering friend to whom I am now greatly indebted and grateful, offered to help and ever since has been imparting pearls of mac related wisdom, whilst I have been showing my ignorance and stupidity (only in this particular area I might add) to an almost uncomfortable and cringeable degree...(I cringe every time I know I'm going to show just how little I still know...and he invariably laughs and/or pulls a face/ shakes his head in disbelief and then very patiently tells me what I need to do...)
I am however confident that the end justifies the means, and one day I will no longer be as ignorant or stupid, at least in these areas... and will have at least provided some form of entertainment in the meantime...


plus R will have a web site.

which was one of our main aims when we first became mac owners :)

I have become firm buddies with the nice people in the apple shop and find myself contemplating the possibilities that this smart shiny sleek and newly updated machine can offer.

So before I disappear off to bed and the start of another fun filled day, I must install the latest version of iLife so we're ready for the next step tomorrow.

I'm not sure how often I will be blogging in the near future, I do so much want to read and comment - but am managing neither very well...and for those of you who I e mail, I do keep meaning to but don't seem to get round to that either...
I haven't forgotten you...
x

I'm in here

A friend of mine posted this on her facebook
There are many thoughts that go through my head...
Just wanted to post it here...

Inconsequentially beautiful

Today the sun came out,
we had a call from college friends we haven't seen since the children were tiny inviting us over,
yet again there were not just one or two, but several friendly and gorgeous airmen in town, smiling and chatting and creating an all over good feeling :)
I spent time with a friend who just sees and is beautiful, who gave me a wonderful gift too, for no reason...
I finally spoke to someone pleasant and cheerful within the health care system and that in itself was reassuring
I bought a pair of shoes within about five minutes, they were just waiting for me :)
I felt warm sand between my toes, as I sat looking out to sea on a near empty beach and wondered at the worn and rusty barriers that protect us from the ravages of the waves...





John O'Donohue has been quoted more than once, on far better blogs than mine, saying

"Beauty does not linger, it only visits. Yet beauty's visitation affects us and invites us into its rhythm, it calls us to feel, think and act beautifully in the world: to create and live a life that awakens the beautiful."

Today has been inconsequentially filled with beauty, or beautiful moments that have revealed themselves to me. We all need beautiful moments, they change how we feel and how we view our days.




Some days they all come at once, a refuelling with whats right with the world.
Beauty might only visit but it's effects linger on, gradually transforming the ordinary into something totally extraordinary, the seemingly inconsequential into something very consequential indeed.

A peek into the future?

Sleep came, but with sleep comes dreaming.

I don't want to turn this into a dream diary, but sometimes you have a dream that sticks with you.
Last night I looked into a mirror (in my dreams) and in my reflection, saw myself as an old lady, my face, my skin, everything, was so changed, so.... different....
It was the most bizarre experience. To see yourself as you might be in the future.
I didn't like it, didn't like how it made me feel...
because inside I was still me.

I was also riding a motor bike (something I have never done!) but was loving it - slightly different from my vision of being pillion along the coast in beautiful sunshine behind some gorgeous hunk...thats another dream altogether ;)

Reminds me of an exercise we had to do in our first week of nurse training when we had to draw ourselves as we thought we would be when were old, and we were asked how old we thought we would be when we died... such cheerful stuff!!!
Daft thing to ask me to do since I can't draw, but it did make us think about our expectations of life, and age I guess.

So, I've been thinking about it today, as I had my hair cut :) and picked up bits for work, got on with various jobs about the place.

What will it be like? Who will be around? How will I feel? Will I still feel loved and cared for? Where will the adventure take me? - we were on a wonderful adventure in my dream :)
Will I REALLY look like I did in my dream????? ( please no!)
Will I stay lucid? All sobering thoughts...

The secret thoughts we carry round with us that we ponder on without anyone else knowing; I wonder what other people are thinking when I meet them - I see them doing one thing, and we talk, but I'd love to have a glimpse at what their secret thoughts are, all going on at the same time... and how they are feeling inside.
Like peeking through the windows of a house through half closed curtains, making out the shadows and shapes...

I have checked the mirror so many times today to make sure it hasn't come true already!
But one day it might...
and so, I guess, all I can do is,
as a certain beautiful human says,

dance like noone is watching,
sing like noone is listening
and love like you've never been hurt..


or from another e mail recently ~
life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably,
and never regret anything that made you smile.

I like that, could make it my mantra :)

4am

Not sure what woke me at 2.30am. It's now 4...
Head full and buzzing with all kinds of things.
Weird and colourful dreaming too, of people I haven't seen for years all meeting up together.
Last week the talk on our study days was of the REM state which happens not only when we are asleep and dreaming, but also during the day where we are highly focused, and in this heightened state we are more receptive to learning, receieving information and processing it. Perhaps there is too much to process in my brain to allow restful sleep.
Whatever it is, it is a pain. I should be asleep now.

Lessons are going round and round my brain, with things I mustn't forget to do, calls to make, resources to collect, questions I need to ask beforehand.
Other training sessions I need to prepare for, and homework to do from my course I started last night.

If I start to work properly at this hour, I'll be shattered tomorrow when I need to be awake, so I have made lists, read a little and now blogged....

I wonder if it's enough to let my brain switch off for a few hours and recharge
sometimes I think we can think too much, especially at 4am...

How could you reach the pearl by only looking at the sea? If you seek the pearl, be a diver: the diver needs several qualities: he must trust his rope and his life to the Friend's hand, he must stop breathing, and he must jump.

Rumi
Fihi ma Fihi - 50

This is just a quote I came across while exploring the writings of someone I hadn't heard of until I started blogging, and still don't know a great deal about. His writing is quite phenomenal though.

I could say it isn't related at all really to yesterday, although of course it is.

Yesterday was all about giving up control and trusting.
About being in a familiar environment I am used to having some control in, and yet yesterday I had none.
We waited, with the sole purpose of passing time.

We kept occupied, making cards, painting, watching mindless tv and played games until it was time for me to accompany him into the anaesthetic room, telling him I loved him and wishing him sweet dreams while he slipped into unconsciousness.
Despite his fear he was so calm and trusting, trusting me that I wouldn't let any harm come to him, and me trusting the anaesthetist to take care of him...

It is always a moment full of emotion and prayer for me, being with someone as they slip from consciousness to unconsciousness, regardless of who they are. That giving up total control of their life to someone else for any amount of time for me is quite incredible.

Far more so, when you entrust someone you love so entirely, into the hands of someone else.

Yesterday there was a moment where we all thought he was anaesthetised and I was about to go and he opened his eyes and spoke to us...not quite gone! Vaguely anxiety provoking but also humourous - I have never seen that happen before.

For an hour we didn't quite hold our breaths but we did mark time, in a bubble, just us two waiting and wanting to know he was safe.

Of course he was, we knew he would be... (oh so brave of us to say that now!! )
he was cared for, looked after, and now is home, healing and recovering.

Which means I am here searching out Rumi and discovering all kinds of things instead of working :)

When we're scared...

When we're scared...
who do we want? what do we want?

Tonight there was a person shaped space next to my son as he fell asleep
anxiety for a hospital trip tomorrow
I lay there holding him as I have since he was tiny, whenever he has needed me,
comforting, reassuring, inhaling his scent,
the same scent I first became familiar with within an hour of him being born.. it perfused his clothes, my clothes, it lingers still, in the crook of his neck behind his ear
so sweet, so deliciously gorgeous,
my son,
my precious son

I promise I'll be there, I'll try to keep him safe,

some promises that aren't so easy now,
now he is growing and is stretching his independent wings

I listen to his deep breathing, slow and sure, each of us soothed by the presence of each other

tomorrow will come soon enough
all will be well, I am sure it will,

till then we rest.

weekend activities

Birthdays, parties, nights out, wonderful food and drink, friends and celebrations all led to a quiet Sunday afternoon resting and recovering in preparation for the coming week.
Strange how much time can disappear when you're having fun...

However, we did manage to finally finish making a new run and cage for these two, who have put up with the restrictions of their temporary hutch for the past week and who seemed extremely pleased to rediscover their freedom and the long luscious grass that we hadn't managed to get around to cutting!

What fun it is to have a new home to explore and enjoy, especially in the sun :)

"All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...No man is an island, entire of itself..."

John Donne

Some days it is far easier to feel connected to others, than it is on other days.
To feel a part of this huge crazy mixed up world.
In some ways to feel that we are significant, and that what we do, and how we act, how we talk and interact, the choices we make, that they do in fact matter.
That we can, and do, touch fingertips with people all over the place without even realising it, that we may not always see the imprint we leave on their lives, but it is felt every bit as much as their imprint is felt on our lives, and yet we so often fail to communicate what that means to us, for so very many reasons.
To see the world as small, instead of vast, to feel connected to those who are hungry, starving, in war zones, caught up in hurricanes and disasters of all kinds, even though they may be so far away from us geographically.

To feel that the small things we do, the gestures we make, although small on their own, when added to other people's, will contribute to making a difference somehow, to our environment or to someones life somewhere.

The same with our words, what we say and what we don't say, when we choose to speak and when we choose not to...

that it all somehow matters to someone somewhere.



On other days it is far easier to feel the disconnect, the insignificance, the aloneness, to feel, not even like an island, but a pebble at the shore of an island, to wonder what we can do, to question our value.

Some days I feel so small, and the world seems so vast, it is hard to imagine that my tiny life can have an impact on anyone. On those days it is easier to close the doors and concentrate on what is under my nose here, right now...
the pile of work still to do, the health issues that continue to plague this family, the lack of money, the family issues that predominate at weekends, all the stuff of my life, that doesn't totally blind me, but blurs my ability to view the bigger picture.

The world is big and yet the world is small, life has purpose and yet sometimes it feels as if it has none...some days I feel valued and others I feel insignificant, some days I feel a part of it, and yet on others the disconnect leaves me feeling ultimately all alone, surrounded by people, not sure of how they feel or how we connect, if indeed we connect at all...

sometimes the only connections palpable are those within me, God and the universe.

on some days that is scary, and on others it is strangely comforting.

On some days the disconnect predominates,

and on some days I think I need to know how that feels.

Yet some days the sun comes out, I am reassured, and I know I just have to trust.

Questions from today

What does 'good' look like?

Where does the dark go when you turn off the light?

What colour is a zebra without it's stripes?

Could we rephrase ADHD as - Active, Determined, High-curiosity Difference? (Jonathan Prosser)


I have plenty of my own questions after today too...

reminds me of a moment from Greenbelt when, in a different context, but just as relevant, someone said that perhaps you don't really find the answers, but instead you find the questions....

that is the search.

First days

'The future is not some place we are going to,
but one we are creating.
The paths are not to be found,
but made,
and the activity of making them,
changes both the maker and the destination"
John Schaar

We have had first days here.

S is now at senior school and taking it all in her stride, oozing far more charisma and confidence than I ever had. It's strange seeing her tread in my footprints, yet so very differently.

I had the luxury of yesterday to myself in my new job and then have been attending training all day today.
Some really useful and thought provoking insights came out of it, and some practical ideas which will be helpful.

Perhaps we are creating our future, although a part of me thinks that perhaps we merely take advantage of opportunities that we search out, or that come our way. I'm increasingly unsure about what shape that future is, but step by step and I'm sure all will be revealed in good time.

Today we looked at all kinds of things, including sleep, which I am fascinated by (don't get enough of it!) and dreams, and how the brain effectively processes unfinished emotional responses from the day through our dreams... makes me wonder about my dreams even more, such vivid and colourful night time adventures and ideas. I keep meaning to keep a diary but never do!

I'm not sure where I am at on the road to achieveing some of my long held dreams but know that one day they will come true.

We talked about motivation too... stories about what motivates people to do things, sometimes against all odds.
Inspirational.

Our journeys are fascinating. We journey together, and yet we journey alone.

I am looking forward to experiencing our dreams and I'm curious about the future, whilst trying to appreciate the present while it is here and real. Sometimes that is hard to do.

First steps are daunting, but full of promise, with just a few nerves still...

All men dream but not equally.
Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind awake to find it was only vanity.
The dreamers of the day are dangerous men,
for they act out their dreams with open eyes to make it possible
TE Lawrence

And so we have an exhibition, rather R has an exhibition.

Right on the heels of Greenbelt ~ and after a long period of preparation.

An eclectic mix of 60 pieces of work with different meanings and stories behind them.
It's the stories behind the art that I love the most - very little has been done without a reason behind it, even if the reason is just fun, or just an idea. Some are more serious in nature although not immediately evident.

A mix of humour with the more serious. Different angles, different perspectives, imagination, more of the why not? than the why? ~ time to play, and things to make people stop and question

Which is the reaction we got when we were hanging it - it was SO good to hear discussions and reactions and debate and to cause a stir :) :) :)

People stopping and looking and not just walking on by.

There are few traditionally pretty scenes in there - although we were selective for the venue and included some which are intermingled with the rest ~
the venue being the local hospital.

One thing had to be brought back even though it was causing the most disturbance and I wanted it to stay - our lightbulb on a rock. Health and safety issues mean we have to cover it before we can have it on show. It is being worked on now....

We all have our favourites, and some I love for various reasons.

Mainly I love the ones I can feel just by looking at them that he enjoyed creating... not for the composition, but because they ooze something that says they have been crafted with love and care and say something about all the different aspects of him that need a way out :)

There are nowhere near enough venues for people to express themselves artistically here... but thats another post and might just be too much of a gripe to write it!

I'm curious to see how it is received too, will this place embrace something a little different from the norm? I wonder..

Regardless of that, and above all it's been fun...

Confused

There is a logic of men and boys that I am convinced will always be a mystery ~
at times compulsive and enticing, attractively ridiculous, that belies any reason,
that is without the dawning realisation moment that comes after a dubious action,
but faced with reality brings a blank yet quizzical look of total misunderstanding.


There are days I hardly recognise the world or it's logic, days that get stranger and more obscure as they progress.... (today being one such day)

I love having men and boys in my life, they add beauty and colour, zest and energy, and at times I adore their perspective, I just wish I could fathom them a little more... their behaviour can seem somewhat bizarre and erratic.

Yet I imagine they feel the same about me some days!

Summer loving

We came back from Greenbelt and hit the floor running.

I took down a post about heart shaped plasters...I wish heart ache could be mended that easily.
The feelings are real whatever age you are and friends have been a godsend, quite literally. I know over time my children will have their hearts broken more than once, and a part of me wishes they were the ones doing the breaking instead, but thats not how it works!
There are no words to describe the pain of seeing and being with someone you love so much and not being able to take their pain away. No heart shaped plasters in the first aid kit, just love...

In other news we have also hung R's exhibition, an eclectic mix of work, that caused quite a stir and much discussion ~ something I think art should do.
It was quite amusing to listen to various reactions to some of his pieces.
I am overloaded with photos right now - need to sort them out.. and it's late so the exhibition post will have to wait for another day :)

Love the repeats of sex and the city on sky....perfect to chill out to and send me to bed happy.

And in the background still the drip drip of Greenbelt moments and feelings being processed...and talked about (must have been good to keep lingering!)

Percolating reflections

Julie Lee, Beth Rowley and 'Foreign Slippers'

We have finally landed back home after our first ever trip to Greenbelt.
There are many thoughts and feelings floating around my head about it.
The two things people have been asking me are "have you enjoyed it?" and "what were your best bits?"
It would be easy to just say yes, I have enjoyed it, which would be honest and truthful and to pick out perhaps the obvious acts or speakers which were especially good.

However, I'm not sure that that would even scratch at doing justice to it.

A bit like percolating coffee, it is going to take a while for the full flavour of the experience to be appreciated, and it has as much, if not more to do with the 'moments' that happened along the way as it has with the more obvious.

I was very struck by the fact that Greenbelt is different things to different people fulfilling different needs on many different levels. A complex formula that brings people from all walks of life and from all corners of the globe together - even on the way home on the train I was chatting to a pastor from South Dakota who comes over especially to revive and refresh.
It is a uniquely individual experience, which was so clear in conversation with people we met along the way, who shared tables with us at the beer tent, or who we just found ourselves next to. Even just observing the vastness of the site and the numbers of people and the individuals that sat listening in many different ways to the many good talks or performances that were on.

I had no idea what I should expect and instead decided to just go, and let Greenbelt find me.


Within that vastness I was conscious of a feeling and awareness of solitude aswell as of connectedness, and there was a sense that perhaps it held the possibility to be quite lonesome, maybe... apart from the fact that somehow it wasn't, and somewhere in that lies the distinction between solitude and loneliness.
And for me there is a shift somewhere within that, that occurs on a deep and personal level whilst quietly absorbing the words and the music and the atmosphere, as the initial euphoria settles and the grass turns to mud, and the rain falls, and the festival is there waiting to be discovered, tasted and savoured.

So, knowing I have only tasted, knowing I was only ever going to taste a small part of it I am savouring the small moments as much as the big ones. Perhaps thats the draw, the sense that there is far more to be savoured, that you only ever get fed a fraction of what there is on offer - and if what you taste is good, you leave wanting more. All four of us would like to return, have been left tired and satisfied yet still wanting more. And so we will.

Children were very much a part of it and very evident - whether it was tiny tots dancing freely close up to the stage to wonderful music, or splashing in the mud while Beth Rowley sang Angels flying too close to the ground.

I missed people I very much wanted to see, yet in the waiting for a bus that failed to turn up I made some wonderful connections and shared the ride into the festival with the lovely Julie Lee, which just wouldn't have happened had I not been delayed...she was wonderful, but then so often we would wander into the performance cafe to find yet another gem of a musician previously unknown to us. There were only a couple of things I turned up to that just weren't quite my cup of tea but judging by the numbers there they obviously were someone elses, and so we moved on to another tent, another opportunity.

Very very personally Brian Houston managed to touch something very deep inside with his music, which led to some emotional and hard conversations initiated by my son about his twin who was miscarried - noone said moments had to be uplifting... they are what they are, and it facillitated conversations that couldn't be contrived, or planned, they had to happen naturally... and I am grateful for that opportunity.

There were several tearful moments for various reasons throughout the four days!

However, over the course of the festival there were also the wonderful and uplifting times, including meeting people I have only ever heard about or known through the blogosphere, putting faces to names and managing to spend at least some time with them. A text from the lovely Caroline made my Monday morning, meaning that although she couldn't make it in person, she was a part of it too. Even after the day's festival had come to a close there were more people to meet and share time with into the early hours in the hotel bar. A people filled incredibly special time all round.

One of my most beautiful peaceful experiences though was probably in the calm of a place called 'the Hub' listening to wonderful poetry by Padraig O Tuama as the festival was winding down.

I wish I had seen Pete Rollins, Ikon and Philip Yancey, oh and David Dark, he was there too and I did want to see him, but they are only names I know and had planned on seeing - I got much from those people recommended to me by others as our paths crossed and have to be content with the promise and the hope of another year.

The talks can be downloaded which is fantastic.

The experience is individual and unique.

Already life here is back to full speed and meanwhile in the background the thoughts and feelings, like good coffee, continue to percolate and infuse with a warm, rich, invigorating aroma and taste that I suspect will be felt until next time.

The sun above The Jesus arms

Flying

Flying off for a few days of fun to a place I have heard so much about but think I need to experience for myself!

see you soon, x

Twelve o'clock, midday, fourteen years ago I married my very best friend, who is also the other half of my team, and my soul mate, and we began a new chapter together. It was a wonderful day, with family and friends.

Much has happened since then and our wedding photo is a stark reminder of time, so many have either died or separated since then. Life moves on way too fast, so many chapters in so many books of people's lives.
I'm not a huge fan of anniversaries, or birthdays come to think of it. If I'm honest I'm not really sure what the congratulations are for. I'm not sure what I have achieved. There are many other things I would class as far bigger achievements worth celebrating, but then I'm up for a celebration if there's a reason for one.

Sometimes just getting through a day can seem reason to celebrate, perhaps being here every day is enough reason to celebrate.
Perhaps every day we spend with someone we love and are able to tell them we love them is reason enough.
Just living and loving is enough.
Perhaps that's what my wedding photo is telling me to celebrate.
Celebrating living, loving and being able to share.

It's 12.05, R is judging the childrens art and craft entries at the North show (including the oddly shaped vegetables!!) and we have a full day ahead. 14 years ago right now I was saying my vows, and meaning them, every one.
I'm thankful I found someone to share this wonderful, albeit adversity strewn journey with, and later we'll raise a glass or two over a meal to celebrate 14 colourful years.

Special moments

Some things are designed to melt my heart, instantly.

Such as my daughter skipping up to me saying "Mummy, I'm full of energy and need a hug from you" before wrapping her arms tightly round me.

There is something so, so, incredibly special about that.
I almost have to shake my head to believe it is me she is talking to.

Busy

It's been non stop here since I last posted, the room has been decorated and a new floor laid, I managed a trip to see Mama Mia at the cinema with the girls, our guests arrived and S returned from her week away. Since then she has had a big sleepover party and earlier today a family one to celebrate her birthday.
I have shopped, baked, cooked, talked, drank, cleaned and tidied and when I have stopped I have slept.
On the odd occasion I have made it to the computer I have sat looking blankly at the screen, sometimes reading insightful and interesting posts, but mainly looking blankly.

Too busy and too tired to process, but still able to function..
and it would seem, still able to play monopoly till far too late!

I am however, really looking forward to sharing time with S taking photos since she has been having fun creatively searching and shooting all day with her brand new camera.

Tomorrow I plan to chill out and relax aswell as carry on with more planning and return to some form of exercise as my middle has developed sponge like qualities over recent days.


Am also hoping that my brain will return to processing mode and I might find the occasional thing to blog about.

Until then I will be catching up around the place if and when I get a few minutes to myself, see you around :-)

Easily distracted!

S is still away, R jnr has been sleeping out, we have guests coming tomorrow - a good friend and his family, plus his Mum who remembers me from a conversation we had once in a pub in South London when I was about 19. A conversation I have no memory of, but am vaguely disturbed that it was memorable!
However in less than 24 hours they will be here and we still have colour to put on the walls, a floor to lay, shopping to do - tomorrow is Sunday and the cupboards are bare(ish).
Also true to form I am busy putting files onto memory sticks and writing up lessons that I promised myself would be done before they arrived!
Problem is I am far too easily distracted. Far too many other things I could be doing quite legitimately
blogging isn't one of them unfortunately ;)

and so before I get called away I'd better quit while I'm ahead!

Be back soon

I fell in love...

so fickle, so easily won over, charming shop assistants in the lovely apple shop and I fell in love far too easily ~ desire is dangerous, I now covet a dream.

It's a shame it doesn't fit with the romantic notions of a bohemian, talented, yet (not quite) penniless artist that filled my head and found me (happily) married with two (beautiful) kids

not that I'd change it, but trying to reconcile the two might prove fun!!

still I can dream :)

my new love and desire ~





oh and I'm not a techie person what so ever, but just this once? or maybe not...!
A girl is allowed a few moments of lust now and again ;)

living inside someones head..

Imagination is a wonderful thing
having the confidence to be exactly who you are is too

my story telling beautiful daughter is off to a smaller island than this to stay with a friend for Alderney week.
I have no doubt she will have a fabulous time - well, thats what is planned,
she has made her first flight all on her own, we have had the call to say she has arrived safely, and is off to a party tonight.

her tales of snails and elephants, giraffes and lady bugs that live in her wardrobe precede her and rumour has it they are eagerly awaited by people she has yet to meet

the strange thing is I have yet to hear any of these stories - they are solely for the entertainment of her friends and teachers

I keep asking her to write them down or tell me, so I can, but once told, she says she can't remember them and just makes up new ones.

I know where they live and yet when I look all I see are old shoes and dressing up things ~ no magic hiding place ~ no special kingdom. The magic kingdom is inside her creative head.

I wish there was some way of capturing all this magic for ever

I want to live inside her head for just a while.

so often I'd love to live inside someone else's head for a while.
Wouldn't that be so curious and so revealing?
Can think of many people whose heads I'd like to hide out in, for different reasons.

I'm going to miss her shining light this week, her hugs and her kisses and her friendship.

I wonder what the menagerie will get up to while she is away... :)

Thoughts rarely come from nowhere

A post from mmp, about how people don't just touch your lives as they pass through, but actually leave something far more permanent in our lives, left me thinking about a young girl just a year or two older than my daughter is now, who I looked after on the cardiology and coronary care unit while she waited for a heart and lung transplant.
I have a lovely photo of her and me together on a night shift just before Christmas; lovely because of her smile - the times she didn't smile were few, despite her symptoms. In fact all the family remained cheerful and appreciative of the care she was being given and optimistic regardless of their situation and the fact their hopes had been dashed on more than one occasion.
When I left the unit they were still waiting.
I never knew if she ever received the transplant she needed.
Her life was dependent on someone dying - I'm not sure how you ever really get your head around that one.
Their destiny as a family was dependent in lots of ways on another person.
It was, as it has been for so many people I have known, only perhaps more so in their situation, out of their hands.

I am left with many thoughts and feelings and emotions when I think about transplant situations - they bring up all the big questions, the real toughies that I reckon we all struggle with ; faith, belief, destiny.


There are many lives who have touched mine and whose imprint can never be erased ~ they changed something within me, triggered something, left their mark in some way, permanently.

I hadn't planned on working there - it wasn't the job I had been interviewed for and accepted, but it was the nearest alternative to A&E that was available, and it was only going to be temporary (the joys of redeployment and funding issues!)
To be honest I was petrified I wasn't going to rise to the challenge it offered, but actually I loved it while I was there, I learned so much, grew in many ways I had never imagined, and almost didn't want to leave.

I often wonder about how much real say we have in where our lives take us.
We are so often dependent on others, in ways we don't always see.
Strangely connected in so many ways to so many people - over a lifetime that is a remarkable web.

Sometimes we are given an insight into where our lives are going, someone flashes the hand of cards our way for a second, and sometimes we can choose how to play them even if we can't know how that will turn out.

Other times I guess we're left to wrestle with the tough questions and keep trusting, hoping and believing

just like my young friend.

brothers!

Brotherly love ~

"S, I've saved you some pasta if you want it? It's a new sauce, it's really nice...."
so, lured into a false sense of security, despite my peering over her shoulder to see what exactly is going on, she gingerly takes a mouthful...
only to run quickly to the fridge for a large glass of juice whilst in fact being very controlled telling him off
the new sauce..? laced with lashings of piri piri sauce! the toe rag, he knows she hates it hot!!!!




however, methinks he is playing with fire
I'm waiting for her response ;)


I always thought I missed out not having any brothers or sisters ~ always wanted an older brother.
I'm enjoying it at the moment, but then again he's not my brother!!

Today is all we have

A close shave..
when something happens and you just don't know how it's going to turn out..
yet somehow it turns out ok..
when people can sleep soundly in their beds
and raise a glass knowing it's going to be ok..

makes me wonder how many close shaves we get..
but then I don't really want to know

Today really is all we have...can't recall where I heard that recently but it's true...

If our lives are limited - like cats are supposed to be... then I'm fast running out.. do we get more for our kids too or are they all bundled together - can we buy one get one free or is it not up for discussion, perhaps trading is allowed or gambling.. or maybe not.... ?

lets hope it doesn't work like that!

living for today knowing it's all we know we have... sounds fair enough but isn't always easy to do..

Space and time

So we're home ~ some photos from what was a gloriously sunny and beautiful week.
Space and time..




time to discover an almost deserted beach - only us and two others - at the end of a magical path of bracken and brambles and heather, with the most gorgeous sand dunes, where we could listen to the puffins and soak in solitude.



Time to relax in the mornings, reading and planning and taking silly pictures of feet which I happen to love.




Time to hang back and watch my family from a distance - butterflies all around me yet I didn't manage to catch one on camera at all...



time for contemplation and talking and sharing...




and for standing as the place is bathed in pinks and yellows as dusk falls and wondering as the sky is painted with yet more fantastic sunsets




and amongst all this natural beauty, quite possibly my most favourite image of Jesus, in the small courtyard outside the chapel - weathered and rusty from all the storms that batter the island.

~

There is however always the side that photos don't capture...the sleepless nights, the intense heat, and the flying ants that plagued our small dwelling and for which I am am so relieved to be home in comfort.

Even so, the small hours allowed for thought and reading and ideas, for soul searching and reflection... all important things which I treasure being able to do.

time out was good, but as always it's good to be home too.

Soul soothing

An e mail I received a while ago, much of which I happen to think is fairly true.

In a few hours I will get on a boat and head off to a place that is very special to me for some soul soothing.
I will take books and music, although I am looking forward to the solitude of reading with only the sounds of nature around me.
I have more books than I can possibly read in the time we are there.
I will be without the internet.
I am sure I will miss it at least initially, but I am also looking forward to peaceful ponderings and my notebook.

Last night we were out. It was the end of an era...a lot of goodbyes, and some aurevoirs. People expressing emotion openly and saying things they needed to say that they wouldn't perhaps get another chance to say. Wonderful messages, people letting their normal guarded exteriors dissolve to show real feelings.
Life changes. We all struggle to cope with it as it does - many people last night had found themselves in situations and having to make choices they never wanted to make. Travelling a road they had never dreamt of.
There is much to ponder on.
We stop and acknowledge where we are and hesitate for a moment; before bravely taking the next step forwards into uncertainty armed with our experiences and trusting that somehow all will be well.

All souls need soothing, feeding and nurturing so they can give more freely to others... this has been a hard time for many people.
These holidays are much needed, space and time with friends and family to refresh and revive in preparation for new beginnings in September.

So, I must finish packing and I'll be round to visit when I return - apologies if I have visited and not commented... time has a habit of catching me out!




A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .

a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

one friend who always makes her laugh...
and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

a feeling of control over her destiny....

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to quit a job,

break up with a lover,

and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

when to try harder...

and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that she can't change the length of her calves,the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that her childhood may not have been perfect...
but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW....

whom she can trust,whom she can't,

and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

where to go...

be it to her best friend's kitchen table...

or a charming inn in the woods...

when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she can and can't accomplish in a day...

a month...

and a year...

A moment of inspiration!

I know few men who like to shop
but there comes a point where everyone needs clothes unless we are intent on causing a stir and that wasn't the kind of outrageous I was thinking of in my earlier post!

And so it came to pass that R junior was in desperate need of new clothes...
but clothes are no longer merely practical, and each of my children is developing their own unique style.... meaning that I can no longer zip into town and pick up a few items in their size feeling confident they will like them.

I have failed previously both on my own, and with R in tow, and so I was full of high hopes when I sent both boys in together to shop..
how wrong I was!
They returned with one white t shirt between them...!!

So today I decided to try again and fell upon a moment of inspiration in the surf shop...

enough to say that where parents fail, young friendly female shop assistants in tight hot pants are sure to succeed...

I am graciously thankful and I have one happy boy...

never underestimate the power of a girl in hot pants... :)

Children grow up to be the love they have known

Once a week an e mail drops into my inbox from Henri Nouwen with a weekly reflection, and often it is both appropriate, and incredibly timely.

Yesterdays was exceedingly reassuring, especially as life has picked up a pace or two recently on the being a parent front!


On the Journey to Becoming an Authentic Parent
written by JOE VORSTERMANS
At some point early on in our journey of raising four children, a friend gave Stephanie and me a sign, which ended up on our fridge door. It read, "Children Grow Up to Be the Love They Have Known." I used to read that sign often, but I did not really understand what it was calling me to until the children were all grown up!

While the kids were at home, it was a daily challenge to keep up with the physical and emotional demands of parenting, and I often got lost in the practicalities of family life and trying to do the right thing. So often, doing the right thing from my perspective was doing the wrong thing from my kids' perspective! We read parenting books, tried to do things differently from our parents, made conscious choices to do this or not buy that, but nonetheless there were the typical family arguments, breakages, hurts and pains.

Now that our children are no longer at home and are finding their own way in the world, I realize that all the details that seemed so important at the time, that caused worry and dissension, are finally not so important. What the kids remember most, what shaped their lives most profoundly, were the family moments when they felt loved and safe and the apples of our eyes. Now when we play the game "Remember when . . . ," the things the kids talk about are the small but intimate times when we were a family, the times they knew they were loved.

Things I think about too...

For today.. a link ~ sometimes other people just express things better than I can ever hope to do... I think about those things too.

Have been reading round various blog archives...and am pleased I did, thank you Jen

Much for the soul to feast on, and to wonder and to marvel at the mystery of life every time I visit. If you don't already, she comes highly recommended.

"The world is as delicate and
as complicated as a spider's web.
If you touch one thread you send shudders running through all the other threads.
We're not just touching the web
we're tearing great holes in it..."
Gerald Durrell

unpacked some bits from Jersey Zoo from earlier in the year and came across this quote.
I went in search of a spiders web but didn't find any that were condusive to being photographed but became aware that the garden looks like it briefly awoke from winter and now is going back to sleep..
It is wild and untamed in parts.. too many parts perhaps...
but the bees are busy and the roses have buds and flowers and fallen flowers too....

I have neglected it all for a few weeks and both the house and the garden are showing obvious signs of being uncared for.

When one thing takes over another thing gives... the end of school and the start of a new job for me have taken up much of my time and energy.
Today I woke up to the reality that there are no fairies who come and 'do' while I am preoccupied.. I am my own cleaning / maintenance fairy...or something like that!!

I love the image of a spiders web.. love the way it is strong and flexible and yet so fragile too.
The same with so many things of life - our web of relationships and friendships too

while I have been preoccupied, life and nature has carried on living and growing and creating dust!!

I have neglected the balance of my own life.. I think that's fine now and again ... people are more important than things, and more important than gardens and houses.. but then again
everything deserves attention...

This evening I spent time with my Dad who has given up most of his day putting fences round trees which have been eaten around - almost totally by rabbits - not sure if they will live or die.. we think they will probably die.. it's the biggest strongest tree which is worst affected... so much of my childhood was walking round tending trees with him... after we planted them, together. It holds such memories.. 30 year old trees are quite something to behold... the colours and impact is amazing.. and still he plants more.. the kids have a tree each planted from seed when they were born... a horse chestnut and a sweet chestnut... their garden is my garden somehow... so full of memories and friendships and fun.. hay making and cows grazing, freesia growing and greenhouses too...and a wonderful friend who always told me the fairies wouldn't do it... a friend my Dad resuscitated too who went onto survive..many many years - don't let anyone tell you it doesn't work - it does!!

Where on earth is this post going..?

I guess it's all interlinked and inter related.. us, the land, trees, the balance... we concentrate on one area and another suffers,
memories, reality - the here and now - somehow it all links together , we are all important - it is all important... and somehow we all fit together...
it is the most amazing spiders web...

not sure I'll ever find the centre though!

Four seasons in one day...

Blogging from bed on a Sunday morning...
the boys are out on a cycle ride round the island.
I'm far more comfortable sitting here with a cup of tea and the early morning sun filtering through the curtains...I'm still hiding from the day, lingering in the half light listening to life outside.

I love the different seasons, I love sitting with the sun bathing the room in different warm colours and I also love sitting here listening to the pelt of rain and the howling wind

Am also thinking that life is nothing if not real.
And real is where we've been, where we are.

Yesterday I was reading 'The Secret life of Bees' and she says that "The world will give you that once in a while, a brief time out; the boxing bell rings and you go to your corner, where somebody dabs mercy on your beat-up life"

I like that.

Now the truth is my life is far from beat-up at the moment, but it doesn't always feel like that.

Life just is real...

It is tougher than we are ever told, which is good because we'd all be scared to death of life if we knew in advance what lay ahead.
But we also cope with it as it comes to us, and perhaps we should be told that in advance.
In essence my life is good right now, but I've been struggling, we have been struggling together.
It's not that sense of responsibility and the frightening permanence of parenthood, it's not the letting go, it's not being scared of the future, or drugs or violence or any of the big issues I worry about..
there has been more than enough to worry about in the here and now.

None of us come with guide books, instruction manuals - sure people write things that seem to aim to fill that purpose and I guess they do help to a degree - I have some here that have been helpful at times, along with my friends and other parents, and the odd bottle of wine or two over the years!
When children are small there are definite developmental stages and for the most part we are guided through. School helps too, they more or less do the same things around about the same time.

Now though, we seem to have hit a divide - the rule book, for what it is worth has been thrown away, washed downstream (gone to be recycled with the wine bottles no doubt!), everyone is developing at their own rate, there is no planning, the vast open space of independence is beckoning and looks very enticing.
Yearnings, desires, feelings and emotions, learning not to react, reacting anyway, confusion, wanting security but wanting to exert independence and push the freedom boundaries all the same!

wanting boundaries, but not wanting to be controlled, or told, or guided even...

We are out of the estuary and lost at sea without a compass... learning to use the stars and seeking reassurance from them... but we're all alone in this boat and the best we can do is shout to others for encouragement... all of a sudden we're all at different points.
We scratch around for what might be of some practical help, relevant and useful...

we have had some really stormy times lately and then some days when we seem to have cracked it.. but it only lasts for that day - or that moment in a day - there is no time for complacency. We are kept on our toes!

I think we're doing ok - spoke to some other crew from a similar ship recently as we watched to sun go over the yardarm.. ok, we had dinner together over a few drinks and compared notes!!

I have seriously questioned the wisdom of some of our earlier choices but we live with them and their consequences in this reality, and who knows in another time, another place, if we could go back and do it all differently perhaps we would...or maybe not!

add to that family and financial matters, and it's easy to feel as if life has beaten me up and left me in need of dabs of mercy or grace...

thats what the sun feels like this morning... grace in my corner.

which is wonderful when the winds can change at any time and frequently do - and we can end up with four seasons in one day...


and as it's in my head... the lyrics!

Four seasons in one day
Lying in the depths of your imagination
Worlds above and worlds below
The sun shines on the black clouds hanging over the domain

Even when youre feeling warm
The temperature could drop away
Like four seasons in one day

Smiling as the shit comes down
You can tell a man from what he has to say
Everything gets turned around
And I will risk my neck again, again

You can take me where you will
Up the creek and through the mill
All the things you cant explain
Four seasons in one day

Blood dries up
Like rain, like rain
Fills my cup
Like four seasons in one day

It doesnt pay to make predictions
Sleeping on an unmade bed
Finding out wherever there is comfort there is pain
Only one step away
Like four seasons in one day

Blood dries up
Like rain, like rain
Fills my cup
Like four seasons in one day

Hot Bubbles...

It's in and when you're in it you can't see the mess that is left to sort around it!
Last night was our first chance to try it out...

the views are better than the photos - they are just gorgeous and it is so peaceful and calm



later we need to try it in the dark - we have lights in it too... and some floating ones I bought a while back!
we meant to last night but were so relaxed we fell asleep ~ I think I'm going to like it :) In fact I already do!!

If being good isn't working, try being outrageous!

My thought for today, from a photo montage, put together for S from her wonderful teacher...
Words of wisdom perhaps, or has she seen the other side to my daughter?

We all need to be outrageous now and again...break the mould, run wild and free...do things that surprise us and others

rebel even...revitalise and connect with a new zest, feel the wind in our hair and inhale the scent of adventure in the breeze...

no-one likes to feel trapped or suffocated, we need air and space to grow and develop and become..


my list of outrageous possibilities is growing...


and as an aside, I would love to see some people's faces if I dared do some of them... ;)

Rewards

Coffee mornings when the children were small nurtured an aversion in me to people bragging about their children. I figured that we were all proud of our children as individuals, and that somehow, as long as we knew, and they knew, how proud we were of them, then the 'one up man ship' was unnecessary. That's not to say achievements shouldn't be celebrated and rewarded... but being intrinsically who you are should be and is good enough...
we always try to ensure both children know without a shadow of a doubt that we are proud of who they are...

Which is why I always sit through speech day in two minds...

In the past, as a pupil, I have both sat while everyone else seemed to receive prizes and have also, on occasion, received more than my fair share of prizes.

It always runs to the same formula, and yesterday was no exception...
Starting with the school hymn.. "He who would valiant be, 'gainst all disaster"
It still stirs me singing it today...years of association...

As a parent I admit to always sitting there hoping that someone somehow will acknowledge something of the effort I know my child has put in. The most we have had has been something in assembly the next day for progress or effort... not one of the big ones you have to go on stage for...

Which is why there was such a surge of emotion and delight and filling of pride when it was announced that S had won not just the form prize but the maths prize and the history prize too... they don't tell them in advance and it was just as much a surprise for her as it was for me.
She has worked quietly and efficiently... I don't have to badger her over her work and she has taken such a pride in everything recently.. so perhaps I shouldn't have been surprised..as she trotted across the stage five times in total.. another twice for being a librarian and to accept her leaving gift.
Such big changes...

and when I congratulated her afterwards, she looked at me and said... "what for?"....
a girl taking it all in her stride - a stride that is getting ever longer...

later we talked and she told me how good it felt to be rewarded for her efforts...I can almost see her confidence growing day to day...and that is good too.




Tonight was her leaving evening at school - entertainment from the girls and a party to say good bye...
a spectacular evening seeing them close up and just how they have grown and developed into their own individual characters, a wonderful puppet show, again featuring their amazing soft puppets from earlier in the term, and then a compilation of memories set to music that left, as they say, not a dry eye in the house...
Blessed with amazing memories. This school has been so good for S, but what struck me yesterday so strongly as she walked across the stage, head held high, very rightly so...was that it was noone but her who really achieved that. We can help and encourage, we can try and set the right environment for learning, we can guide and cajole even... but in the end the only person who could do the work and who could decide to work as hard as she did was her...
This school and these teachers have given her the confidence to continue to strive and as she started to flourish they have fed her and nurtured her, letting her develop at her own pace.

It's emotional and will continue to be - last day is tomorrow...

These days are precious.
In some way we have been working towards this...
it's amazing and beautiful, and we're only part way through the story. It is like finishing a chapter and taking a breath before starting the next...

Each of their lives a novel or a play waiting to be discovered...and us, privileged not only to be witnessing it, but to be an integral part and involved directly in it...all with our parts to play.

For some it continues at boarding school and the girls don't know when they will see each other again, but most of them will meet up again later this year if not before...but surely the curtain is closing on one part of their childhood and they are stepping out on another stage...

I sincerely wish I wasn't working tomorrow morning, am exhausted physically and emotionally... roll on the summer holidays :)

Their last song...

Days of devils, kings and clowns
Angel songs and birthday tunes
Valentines and wishing wells
Magic stairways, moons, and Junes
Silly rhymes and monkeyshines
Pictures on a stage
Round and round the records go
Time to turn the page

This will be our last song together
Words will only make us cry
This will be our last song together
There´s no other way we can say good-bye

Misty faces, far off places
Came and danced across the stage
Sha la la´s and Doo be down´s
The sounds that chased away the blues
Yesterday is yesterday
The past is dead and gone
Nostalgia just gets in the way
Let´s stop hanging on

This will be our last song together
Words will only make us cry
This will be our last song together
There´s no other way we can say good-bye

Now we go our separate ways
And leave the world we used to know
Scratchy worn out 45´s
An echo on the radio
The tra la days are over
Those days of me and you
And now we know that breaking up is
Really hard to do

This will be our last song together
Words will only make us cry
This will be our last song together
There´s no other way we can say good-bye

There´s no other way we can say good-bye...

Warming whirlwinds

Caught in a wonderful whirl wind of moments...if only I could stay awake long enough at the computer to blog...

amongst it all, a word... I think I only ever hear it once a year and it makes me smile every time..



'Quintessentially'...

Quintessential...




what a wonderful word, which, in essence, conjures up all kinds of feelings :)

Beekeeping ,day one, was really quite a pleasant surprise!

The proximity of the beach to the hive didn't dawn on me until I dropped R off.
There was no time to achieve anything of real value before I had to collect him, so I spent a most welcome hour soaking up the sun and the gentle sounds of the wind and waves and birds and absorbing the glorious colours of the ocean.
I love the patterns in the rocks and the battered boat resting close to shore.
Time to muse... a problem shared with the right person certainly makes a difference and it was a much more relaxed me that contemplated life and my small family as I sat waiting for his return.

So far noone has been stung, and we are looking forward to tomorrow.
I have the map of where to go and have worked out the nearest beach, just in case the weather is favourable and there is nothing else pressing to do...

The final countdown...

All the school books are now home, desks emptied, we've had the introduction evening for the new school and each day there are more good bye activities... more endings, while the light of new beginnings glimmers brightly beckoning in the wings...
today is the talent show..
The talk is of who will be in whose class, which teachers they will have...and of the holiday looming ahead.
This week we promised ears pierced too... not quite a rite of passage but something akin to it I guess!!

Meantime R is on activity week.... and I hold my breath as I say... beekeeping.... I hold my breath and we wait to see... I do trust the school know exactly what they are doing ~ it's him and not me thankfully - you wouldn't get me in one of those white hooded suits messing with bees for anything...!!

It's time for slow calm breathing...

perhaps we'll get some honey out of it...?? :)

Oh, and in update, apologies, but please bear with me - I have enabled comment moderation - I don't want to put any of you off from leaving comments but it was something I felt I had to do - for now at least...x

The next step...

My initial training is over...:)
we have had danger, response, shout for help, airway and breathing till it's second nature...
The material was nothing new to me but it's good to have guidance on it's delivery and to have it drummed into you until it is second nature...

so when reference was made to this I had to look it up....
he always reminds me of when R had had his tonsils out and his were the only funny videos they had on the ward...



How not to do CPR :)

I think I won't be showing this to the children I am teaching later this year...

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'

Quite a long time ago I remember reading children's thoughts on God.
Here apparently are some children's thoughts on love that arrived in my inbox earlier..

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does 'love' mean?'

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4

'Love is when my Mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mummy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'
Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, and then he wears it everyday.'
Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8

'My Mummy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mummy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'
Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day'
Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)
Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mummy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'
Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said,
'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

When there is nothing left, that is when you find out that love is all you need.