How football is bad for the nerves

After several years of standing watching football on a Saturday morning... and sometimes Sundays too, I have seen tiny tots running around in chaos, develop and change into lads showing some signs of organisation, and occasional communication on the pitch.

Today was the semi final of an important cup between all the clubs on the island. It also meant that boys who had been playing on the same team last week representing their island, now played against each other on opposing teams.

Sam and I arrived at half time to find our team 3:0 up.....
Foolishly, oh so very foolishly..... I promised Sam we wouldn't have to stand for too long in the cold today.
The second half however saw the other team come back to equalise.
Many close calls, and valiant efforts later meant that even after 20 minutes of extra time it was still equal.
I could barely watch as the tension rose during the following penalties.... it was still equal.
Sadly they needed a winner to go forward to the final....
it was on to sudden death penalties - my football knowledge is minimal, but I am starting to get it slightly...

We watched as R came forward to take the next penalty.... I know why it is called sudden death...!

I forced myself to watch, and very thankfully he scored.... whatever happened after then, we had been spared an afternoon of gloom....

and then the icing on the cake... the goalie saved the next penalty and it was all over, R had won the winning penalty and saved the game for them...
you can't get closer than that!

Two hours after he had started, and an hour and a half after I promised Sam we wouldn't be long, we made our way home...

I wonder at the way football has wheedled it's way into my life, it has brought many blessings, and is now testing my nerves in ways I never thought it could...

If I dare, I will be at the final on April 24th....

People are so kind.... thankyou for your comments on my previous post, thay are much appreciated.

The Easter holidays are upon us now, and term finished for the children with the school disco..... S, as usual, was true to herself in a beautiful flowing skirt and t shirt, regardless of the other girls style.... long may her individuality shine and not be crushed by pressure to conform :)

R had an equally good time, as he strays into the territory of girls yet again....

Hormones are rife around this house, but the less said possibly the better.... enough that hygiene, deodorants and hair gel are in evidence.... I'll gloss over mood swings and attitude!

I do thank God profusely that I have R to support me as I feel very inept at this and incredibly protective over him - I may well hand over the reins to the male who knows, for fear of being way too overprotective. Perhaps I'll settle into it soon :)

Life has taken me away from many of the things that matter to me recently - which is why I am so pleased I was able to spend the afternoon with S sowing the seeds she had chosen a couple of weeks ago.
We worked, we chatted, we got our hands dirty, we even opened some stock seed pods I had saved from a few years ago, and sowed them too - I have no idea if they will come up or not.

A simple task, a promise fulfilled, and now we wait to see the results...

Once more I am reminded in concrete terms of how much the small things matter.
So much I can't do - but this wasn't hard, it just needed me to be there....... and time.
Sometimes that seems almost impossible.

The wizard...

We're back from seeing the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz... S had two performances at school today and another two tomorrow...

She was brilliant.... but then I would say that!

I now have catchy songs playing through my head... along with 'somewhere over the rainbow'!

I wonder what really lies at the end of the rainbow...

maybe all our childhood dreams?

Whenever I see children performing anything... or even just playing together, I love the way their energy just oozes out of them, and I don't ever want them to lose it...

I'm tired tonight - I've made it to the gym three days in a row and I'm waiting to feel revitalised...... it's a long time coming! I just feel achy and exhausted!

R has his school play on Monday - he's not that excited about it - but we DO have more football at the weekend.... the muratti which he is excited about - unfortunately he has been nursing an injured ankle - a collateral ligament injury since his game in Southampton, we're hoping he will be ok to play on the day....

Tomorrow is the first day of spring.

It's freezing ( though not quite literally) today, but the sun is shining and it looks wonderful, one of these days soon I will get out to carry on clearing the garden....

The past few days seem to have been mainly art related - which is satisfying and achievable... although deadlines are always stressful.... but because they are projects as opposed to commissions, I can be involved too....

a glass of wine and a paintbrush, some music and time together - life's not bad really! :)

Friday was spent concentrating on a large Irish landscape and rainbow for a St.Patricks day ball a friend was arranging, and much of Sunday was spent putting together the school display for this year's Eisteddfod. Yesterday after work I collected the remainder of the pieces to put up and added the final touches before R took the school inspector along to it today.

The school inspection has also played a major part in our lives recently - the build up and preparation for it... I can't understand why they don't just turn up and see what goes on in a normal day, although I suppose it's always nice to have advance notice of visitors.. there is a huge part of me that feels what they see is very contrived. Anyway... thats on this week and so far so good....

Perhaps Spring really is in the air - I woke with a compulsion to clear and sort.. and the piles of paperwork have diminished considerably...... though everywhere I look there is more to clear, and when that's done there is decorating to start.....

The plant is my mother's day present from the children... a citrus tree for the conservatory

We had a fantastic trip.

I haven't had that much fun in a long time - I know that sounds so sad, but it's true :)

The boys played magnificently and I was so proud, not just of Footballer R but of the whole team... they were truly a whole team.

Supporters were few from our island, but we made up for lack of numbers in our enthusiasm, and the team seemed pleased to have some support... my usual quiet persona completely changes when I'm on the side lines and I suddenly find my voice!

We only planned to turn up for their matches and it was pure coincidence that our paths crossed while shopping and after lunch on the way to the final match of the tour.

It was lovely to see R's face light up whenever we did bump into each other ~ it seems I haven't damaged any street cred yet!

Even my friend and shopping partner, S, who is a non footballing Mum was cheering them along with me at the last game.

Football aside, we shopped ~ I don't shop very often but soon got the hang of that too ~ and we ate and shared chocolate, managed to navigate our way to Newbury and Portsmouth feeling very Thelma and Louise like and rested our weary brains and legs watching Music and Lyrics at the cinema!

In a strange way something was happening ~ it could be called healing, hope, peace, space, warmth, love... who knows, medicine for a bruised soul ~ and as we turned to come back home from the last match I looked at the sky and took this picture.

It changes nothing, yet somehow we are given the tools to help us cope and take on the next challenge.

It was a very special, very precious trip.

The children's enthusiasm for various things is infectious.... why else would I end up going on football tour?
We are packed and waiting to be picked up to go to the airport.
The excitement is palpable, we have tickets, passports, and R junior has all his kit.
R and S will have a great time together. The Mother and son and Father and daughter split is rarely done ~ treasured time, although it has been made quite clear to me that these are boys on tour.... and parents, I imagine especially Mum's, are not really that cool.... so I will stand on the side lines, cheer them along and take my place... then disappear to shop at my leisure.... :)
R is fine about me being around - he likes the idea - I just hope he is still happy when we return....

It was a beautiful sunny day...

Loss, change, grief, familiar subjects to me both in theory and in life....

I once attended a conference entiltled 'Ordinary days, shattered lives'.... how true that statement is.

We can never know where it will come from or when... and when it does, it hits harder and deeper than anyone ever tells you.

Sometimes it is easier to not feel or think, just doing is the only way through....
Yesterday I spent just doing...and trying hard not to think.
Today I am in shock, stunned... all is ok... yet I am left reeling

I might not leave this up for long... yet without posting I'm not sure I'd find the words to come after it.

It is the gradual return to reality and normality....

I am ok, my family are ok.

Tomorrow I fly with R junior to Southampton on football tour.
Three days space and time to let me think again, and expand my world beyond those immediately surrounding me.
Right now my world feels very, very, small.

We dwell in possibilities that lie ahead....

so many things flying around my fuddled brain lately.
The migraine retreated but didn't leave completely.... enough to let me go out to a wine tasting, but not enough to let me taste any wine :(

I haven't given up alcohol for lent - somehow it seems to have given me up!

Now and again conversations about being true to ourselves, about only getting one go at this life and not having regrets, seem to surface. They are wise, well worn phrases that sit comfortably, quietly in the corner until something happens to give real meaning to the words.

Confronting us with the real challenge of finding a way of actually living out those ideals.

Somehow, and it's uncanny, yet, when these big questions come up we find ourselves faced with just the right people at the right time to help us sort out whatever dilemma is facing us.

Last night was one of those times, letting me glimpse even just small possibilities.

Strangely today, despite many questions and uncertainties, my soul feels soothed...

things work in mysterious ways.....

These are coffee beans all the way from Kilimanjaro, direct from the producer - a present from my friend, the one I should have been climbing with - the aroma is amazing, rich and deep and I know I need to buy a coffee grinder in the next few days......


We finally got together to look through her photos and catch up with each other, but at the end of the afternon we realised we really needed to make an evening of it soon...
I heard about the highs and lows, about sheer effort and willpower, and how hard it was to make each step on the last stretch towards the summit.

She showed me pictures of the man who owns this coffee plantation, and told me some of his story.
It was just enough, together with the pictures, to have a tiny glimpse of his life, so very far removed from life here....

Remarkable that we share the same planet yet live worlds apart.


This week I also met an apricot and walnut producer from Pakistan, who came over as part of fair trade fortnight. His story of how fair trade is transforming the lives of people in his community is truly inspiring.
It's encouraging to see the choices we make having such a positive effect, and humbling to hear his appreciation.

It really does make a difference, and I needed to hear that, just to remind me.

Staring out to sea from the window by my desk, looking beyond the buildings to the sea rolling in. Watching the sea change not just with the seasons, but daily, even several times a day, a vast expanse beyond my vision, the unknown... Such a familiar view, yet never constant.

Dreaming, hoping, longing, yearning...... praying perhaps, contemplating ...
The oceans, just as the sky and the stars, connecting somehow.

Today my thoughts focused on, and were very much with R junior while he was taking his exam.
Now it's over he is starting to relax.
Even the fact that Liverpool didn't win today hasn't had an adverse effect on his mood.... somehow he seems to have grown slightly older, slightly more mature, more together, in a matter of hours.
Perhaps it's what happens when we face our fears and come out the other side.
Perhaps it's just we rarely see it.

Happy Birthday ...

Eleven years ago R junior arrived, came to join us in this remarkable adventure...

the start of a new and interesting, challenging, rewarding, constantly surprising and love filled journey...

Today he was ill, but there was still room for cake and presents and wishes from various parts of the world :)