Thoughts rarely come from nowhere

A post from mmp, about how people don't just touch your lives as they pass through, but actually leave something far more permanent in our lives, left me thinking about a young girl just a year or two older than my daughter is now, who I looked after on the cardiology and coronary care unit while she waited for a heart and lung transplant.
I have a lovely photo of her and me together on a night shift just before Christmas; lovely because of her smile - the times she didn't smile were few, despite her symptoms. In fact all the family remained cheerful and appreciative of the care she was being given and optimistic regardless of their situation and the fact their hopes had been dashed on more than one occasion.
When I left the unit they were still waiting.
I never knew if she ever received the transplant she needed.
Her life was dependent on someone dying - I'm not sure how you ever really get your head around that one.
Their destiny as a family was dependent in lots of ways on another person.
It was, as it has been for so many people I have known, only perhaps more so in their situation, out of their hands.

I am left with many thoughts and feelings and emotions when I think about transplant situations - they bring up all the big questions, the real toughies that I reckon we all struggle with ; faith, belief, destiny.


There are many lives who have touched mine and whose imprint can never be erased ~ they changed something within me, triggered something, left their mark in some way, permanently.

I hadn't planned on working there - it wasn't the job I had been interviewed for and accepted, but it was the nearest alternative to A&E that was available, and it was only going to be temporary (the joys of redeployment and funding issues!)
To be honest I was petrified I wasn't going to rise to the challenge it offered, but actually I loved it while I was there, I learned so much, grew in many ways I had never imagined, and almost didn't want to leave.

I often wonder about how much real say we have in where our lives take us.
We are so often dependent on others, in ways we don't always see.
Strangely connected in so many ways to so many people - over a lifetime that is a remarkable web.

Sometimes we are given an insight into where our lives are going, someone flashes the hand of cards our way for a second, and sometimes we can choose how to play them even if we can't know how that will turn out.

Other times I guess we're left to wrestle with the tough questions and keep trusting, hoping and believing

just like my young friend.