Sunday silliness

It always takes time getting used to a new system...
I think my patient mac support would agree!

An interesting weekend...

An interesting weekend, it has to be said... (well for me anyhow!)
and tiredness deems this more of a diary entry than a thoughtful blog post.


if distraction was what was required then there was more than my fair share, shame it always happens all at once with little time to stop and savour the moments.

Football season is upon us once again and somehow this generates enthusiastic encouragement from the sidelines when R jnr is playing... I can't seem to help myself. It is, in my opinion anyhow, far more exciting than any other football game ever, and a little friendly rivalry amongst the supporters is all in good fun - what is nice is that because of differences between school and island teams they will often swap between playing with and against each other - how quick we change and form new allegiances!!

Then we juggled music lessons with dressing up as pirates to swim for charity and made a mad dash to the supermarket to prepare for friends coming for supper.

In the midst of supper preparations somehow, despite my warnings, the hamster got entangled in sticky tape and was naturally not best pleased - the poor guy was in pain when we tried to peel the tape from him, as was R when Houdini hamster bit him...
The poor little soul is now half bald since there was no option other than to trim his hair to remove the tape (lessons learned all round I think)

We somehow ended up with a house full of people staying over and then today I spent watching S dancing with The Royal Ballet school who were over on an outreach programme :)
A very special event and memory for us both.

Then to try and make some slow progress with assignments and essays and lessons for this week...

and I thought the idea of weekends was to relax?

Photos might well follow :)

x

Other news, or therapeutic blogging..

I didn't plan on putting this here but hey it's my space and it's life and it's real and so why not?
Am still getting used to the idea of this...but I can't seem to quite get past it to blog about other stuff.

It's been a funny old year health wise, and while my swollen joints and pain subsided after a few months and I was finally able to wear my rings and watch again, the doctors investigations and multiple blood tests continued.

Now I'm used to accepting that my body just functions and works how it is supposed to. In fact I'd have always said it was extremely efficient ~ can't even really grumble too much about childbirth... it kind of knew what it had to do and it did it.

It has to be said though, that although I have all the time in the world for people who really are sick or have a genuine problem, I am far less tolerant of those who are prone to whinge about the tiniest thing ~ a legacy of my Accident and Emergency days I guess, and I tend to apply the same logic to me and my family (at which point everyone feels sorry for my husband and kids...!!!)
I just can't see the need to go on about every ache and pain....

So, it came as a bit of a shock to me to be told that the reason for my swollen joints was that I have Lupus, an autoimmune condition which may at times cause my joints to swell and become painful, but also explains a whole lot of other stuff from the past, miscarriages, childhood migraines and raynauds which has got me out of swimming in freezing water and is a very good reason to lie in the sun on a beach reading whilst watching daft people splash in subzero temperatures just for fun...
turns out they are all linked together....

My initial reaction was, ok, that explains a lot, I assumed it would carry on in the background as it had for years, but perhaps that was hasty of me...
Am just starting to realise this is for real, real because my joints do hurt, they were fine all through the summer but they have started to hurt and I am fed up with my body for not just working properly.
Have had a few 'moments' today, moments where I felt so feeble and pathetic, and tearful, where I had to call to make my next out patient appointment - the good news is my consultant is gorgeous and lovely...interpret as you will...he is :)

I guess having to book an appointment made it real too...
and having to go back to taking painkillers did aswell.

Its not a huge thing, I'm fine, honestly I am, and I will learn to integrate this into how I live, I hadn't realised it was going to be worse from now on because I had had a flare up at the start of the year, but right now it's just taking a whole lot of getting my head round...easy to ignore when it's not around, not so easy when it is... time will tell how it is going to progress and I have been reassured it is mild and caught early there are things that can help...

Right now things that help are having a mad scouser telling funny stories about his day and making me laugh...and telling me it'll all be ok....
and good friends and chilling out, distractions...

laughter really is the best medicine :)

Dominoes

Ok I know, no blogging for ages...
sorry to anyone who might think I'm ignoring or not bothering with them.. it's not that at all...

It's just there's a rather interesting game of dominos happening here which is keeping us all busy. You know the thing, one thing leads to another and so on, and although it's tiring, you really just have to go with it. Change always requires effort in some form, but I am conscious that I'm actually happier than I have been for a long time even while I'm busy straying out of comfort zones and rising to challenges
The rewards are worth it, even though today has been a stressful reminder that we all get days when it doesn't quite all come together as it should and so we just have to try harder next time round!!

It has also given me a chance to look at stuff from the past and maybe put some of it to rest for a while, or maybe for good.. who knows... but whatever, it is beneficial - we drag so much stuff around with us and don't always get the chance to air it and give it a real chance of belonging in the past. Sometimes we just need someone to listen and appreciate what we are actually telling them, however silly it may sound to other people. One person not to dismiss it as unimportant, one person to care enough to see it as important because it is important to us...
so that's that, and it is good... :)


Then there is the mac story intertwined amongst the rest of life...
an almost careless comment online led to a friend realising that I did actually own a mac, but it fairly quickly became apparent that we had somewhat underused this piece of machinery... for eerrrmmm about two years...!

You see the reason we bought it was for R's art work, only I had kind of highjacked it, and to be fair only really used it for blogging and quick access to the internet because it is so much faster than the pc...

I had no idea of its potential - or maybe I did, I just didn't know how to unlock it...

So, for reasons best known to himself, this exceedingly patient and now longsuffering friend to whom I am now greatly indebted and grateful, offered to help and ever since has been imparting pearls of mac related wisdom, whilst I have been showing my ignorance and stupidity (only in this particular area I might add) to an almost uncomfortable and cringeable degree...(I cringe every time I know I'm going to show just how little I still know...and he invariably laughs and/or pulls a face/ shakes his head in disbelief and then very patiently tells me what I need to do...)
I am however confident that the end justifies the means, and one day I will no longer be as ignorant or stupid, at least in these areas... and will have at least provided some form of entertainment in the meantime...


plus R will have a web site.

which was one of our main aims when we first became mac owners :)

I have become firm buddies with the nice people in the apple shop and find myself contemplating the possibilities that this smart shiny sleek and newly updated machine can offer.

So before I disappear off to bed and the start of another fun filled day, I must install the latest version of iLife so we're ready for the next step tomorrow.

I'm not sure how often I will be blogging in the near future, I do so much want to read and comment - but am managing neither very well...and for those of you who I e mail, I do keep meaning to but don't seem to get round to that either...
I haven't forgotten you...
x

I'm in here

A friend of mine posted this on her facebook
There are many thoughts that go through my head...
Just wanted to post it here...

Inconsequentially beautiful

Today the sun came out,
we had a call from college friends we haven't seen since the children were tiny inviting us over,
yet again there were not just one or two, but several friendly and gorgeous airmen in town, smiling and chatting and creating an all over good feeling :)
I spent time with a friend who just sees and is beautiful, who gave me a wonderful gift too, for no reason...
I finally spoke to someone pleasant and cheerful within the health care system and that in itself was reassuring
I bought a pair of shoes within about five minutes, they were just waiting for me :)
I felt warm sand between my toes, as I sat looking out to sea on a near empty beach and wondered at the worn and rusty barriers that protect us from the ravages of the waves...





John O'Donohue has been quoted more than once, on far better blogs than mine, saying

"Beauty does not linger, it only visits. Yet beauty's visitation affects us and invites us into its rhythm, it calls us to feel, think and act beautifully in the world: to create and live a life that awakens the beautiful."

Today has been inconsequentially filled with beauty, or beautiful moments that have revealed themselves to me. We all need beautiful moments, they change how we feel and how we view our days.




Some days they all come at once, a refuelling with whats right with the world.
Beauty might only visit but it's effects linger on, gradually transforming the ordinary into something totally extraordinary, the seemingly inconsequential into something very consequential indeed.

A peek into the future?

Sleep came, but with sleep comes dreaming.

I don't want to turn this into a dream diary, but sometimes you have a dream that sticks with you.
Last night I looked into a mirror (in my dreams) and in my reflection, saw myself as an old lady, my face, my skin, everything, was so changed, so.... different....
It was the most bizarre experience. To see yourself as you might be in the future.
I didn't like it, didn't like how it made me feel...
because inside I was still me.

I was also riding a motor bike (something I have never done!) but was loving it - slightly different from my vision of being pillion along the coast in beautiful sunshine behind some gorgeous hunk...thats another dream altogether ;)

Reminds me of an exercise we had to do in our first week of nurse training when we had to draw ourselves as we thought we would be when were old, and we were asked how old we thought we would be when we died... such cheerful stuff!!!
Daft thing to ask me to do since I can't draw, but it did make us think about our expectations of life, and age I guess.

So, I've been thinking about it today, as I had my hair cut :) and picked up bits for work, got on with various jobs about the place.

What will it be like? Who will be around? How will I feel? Will I still feel loved and cared for? Where will the adventure take me? - we were on a wonderful adventure in my dream :)
Will I REALLY look like I did in my dream????? ( please no!)
Will I stay lucid? All sobering thoughts...

The secret thoughts we carry round with us that we ponder on without anyone else knowing; I wonder what other people are thinking when I meet them - I see them doing one thing, and we talk, but I'd love to have a glimpse at what their secret thoughts are, all going on at the same time... and how they are feeling inside.
Like peeking through the windows of a house through half closed curtains, making out the shadows and shapes...

I have checked the mirror so many times today to make sure it hasn't come true already!
But one day it might...
and so, I guess, all I can do is,
as a certain beautiful human says,

dance like noone is watching,
sing like noone is listening
and love like you've never been hurt..


or from another e mail recently ~
life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably,
and never regret anything that made you smile.

I like that, could make it my mantra :)

4am

Not sure what woke me at 2.30am. It's now 4...
Head full and buzzing with all kinds of things.
Weird and colourful dreaming too, of people I haven't seen for years all meeting up together.
Last week the talk on our study days was of the REM state which happens not only when we are asleep and dreaming, but also during the day where we are highly focused, and in this heightened state we are more receptive to learning, receieving information and processing it. Perhaps there is too much to process in my brain to allow restful sleep.
Whatever it is, it is a pain. I should be asleep now.

Lessons are going round and round my brain, with things I mustn't forget to do, calls to make, resources to collect, questions I need to ask beforehand.
Other training sessions I need to prepare for, and homework to do from my course I started last night.

If I start to work properly at this hour, I'll be shattered tomorrow when I need to be awake, so I have made lists, read a little and now blogged....

I wonder if it's enough to let my brain switch off for a few hours and recharge
sometimes I think we can think too much, especially at 4am...

How could you reach the pearl by only looking at the sea? If you seek the pearl, be a diver: the diver needs several qualities: he must trust his rope and his life to the Friend's hand, he must stop breathing, and he must jump.

Rumi
Fihi ma Fihi - 50

This is just a quote I came across while exploring the writings of someone I hadn't heard of until I started blogging, and still don't know a great deal about. His writing is quite phenomenal though.

I could say it isn't related at all really to yesterday, although of course it is.

Yesterday was all about giving up control and trusting.
About being in a familiar environment I am used to having some control in, and yet yesterday I had none.
We waited, with the sole purpose of passing time.

We kept occupied, making cards, painting, watching mindless tv and played games until it was time for me to accompany him into the anaesthetic room, telling him I loved him and wishing him sweet dreams while he slipped into unconsciousness.
Despite his fear he was so calm and trusting, trusting me that I wouldn't let any harm come to him, and me trusting the anaesthetist to take care of him...

It is always a moment full of emotion and prayer for me, being with someone as they slip from consciousness to unconsciousness, regardless of who they are. That giving up total control of their life to someone else for any amount of time for me is quite incredible.

Far more so, when you entrust someone you love so entirely, into the hands of someone else.

Yesterday there was a moment where we all thought he was anaesthetised and I was about to go and he opened his eyes and spoke to us...not quite gone! Vaguely anxiety provoking but also humourous - I have never seen that happen before.

For an hour we didn't quite hold our breaths but we did mark time, in a bubble, just us two waiting and wanting to know he was safe.

Of course he was, we knew he would be... (oh so brave of us to say that now!! )
he was cared for, looked after, and now is home, healing and recovering.

Which means I am here searching out Rumi and discovering all kinds of things instead of working :)

When we're scared...

When we're scared...
who do we want? what do we want?

Tonight there was a person shaped space next to my son as he fell asleep
anxiety for a hospital trip tomorrow
I lay there holding him as I have since he was tiny, whenever he has needed me,
comforting, reassuring, inhaling his scent,
the same scent I first became familiar with within an hour of him being born.. it perfused his clothes, my clothes, it lingers still, in the crook of his neck behind his ear
so sweet, so deliciously gorgeous,
my son,
my precious son

I promise I'll be there, I'll try to keep him safe,

some promises that aren't so easy now,
now he is growing and is stretching his independent wings

I listen to his deep breathing, slow and sure, each of us soothed by the presence of each other

tomorrow will come soon enough
all will be well, I am sure it will,

till then we rest.

weekend activities

Birthdays, parties, nights out, wonderful food and drink, friends and celebrations all led to a quiet Sunday afternoon resting and recovering in preparation for the coming week.
Strange how much time can disappear when you're having fun...

However, we did manage to finally finish making a new run and cage for these two, who have put up with the restrictions of their temporary hutch for the past week and who seemed extremely pleased to rediscover their freedom and the long luscious grass that we hadn't managed to get around to cutting!

What fun it is to have a new home to explore and enjoy, especially in the sun :)

"All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...No man is an island, entire of itself..."

John Donne

Some days it is far easier to feel connected to others, than it is on other days.
To feel a part of this huge crazy mixed up world.
In some ways to feel that we are significant, and that what we do, and how we act, how we talk and interact, the choices we make, that they do in fact matter.
That we can, and do, touch fingertips with people all over the place without even realising it, that we may not always see the imprint we leave on their lives, but it is felt every bit as much as their imprint is felt on our lives, and yet we so often fail to communicate what that means to us, for so very many reasons.
To see the world as small, instead of vast, to feel connected to those who are hungry, starving, in war zones, caught up in hurricanes and disasters of all kinds, even though they may be so far away from us geographically.

To feel that the small things we do, the gestures we make, although small on their own, when added to other people's, will contribute to making a difference somehow, to our environment or to someones life somewhere.

The same with our words, what we say and what we don't say, when we choose to speak and when we choose not to...

that it all somehow matters to someone somewhere.



On other days it is far easier to feel the disconnect, the insignificance, the aloneness, to feel, not even like an island, but a pebble at the shore of an island, to wonder what we can do, to question our value.

Some days I feel so small, and the world seems so vast, it is hard to imagine that my tiny life can have an impact on anyone. On those days it is easier to close the doors and concentrate on what is under my nose here, right now...
the pile of work still to do, the health issues that continue to plague this family, the lack of money, the family issues that predominate at weekends, all the stuff of my life, that doesn't totally blind me, but blurs my ability to view the bigger picture.

The world is big and yet the world is small, life has purpose and yet sometimes it feels as if it has none...some days I feel valued and others I feel insignificant, some days I feel a part of it, and yet on others the disconnect leaves me feeling ultimately all alone, surrounded by people, not sure of how they feel or how we connect, if indeed we connect at all...

sometimes the only connections palpable are those within me, God and the universe.

on some days that is scary, and on others it is strangely comforting.

On some days the disconnect predominates,

and on some days I think I need to know how that feels.

Yet some days the sun comes out, I am reassured, and I know I just have to trust.

Questions from today

What does 'good' look like?

Where does the dark go when you turn off the light?

What colour is a zebra without it's stripes?

Could we rephrase ADHD as - Active, Determined, High-curiosity Difference? (Jonathan Prosser)


I have plenty of my own questions after today too...

reminds me of a moment from Greenbelt when, in a different context, but just as relevant, someone said that perhaps you don't really find the answers, but instead you find the questions....

that is the search.

First days

'The future is not some place we are going to,
but one we are creating.
The paths are not to be found,
but made,
and the activity of making them,
changes both the maker and the destination"
John Schaar

We have had first days here.

S is now at senior school and taking it all in her stride, oozing far more charisma and confidence than I ever had. It's strange seeing her tread in my footprints, yet so very differently.

I had the luxury of yesterday to myself in my new job and then have been attending training all day today.
Some really useful and thought provoking insights came out of it, and some practical ideas which will be helpful.

Perhaps we are creating our future, although a part of me thinks that perhaps we merely take advantage of opportunities that we search out, or that come our way. I'm increasingly unsure about what shape that future is, but step by step and I'm sure all will be revealed in good time.

Today we looked at all kinds of things, including sleep, which I am fascinated by (don't get enough of it!) and dreams, and how the brain effectively processes unfinished emotional responses from the day through our dreams... makes me wonder about my dreams even more, such vivid and colourful night time adventures and ideas. I keep meaning to keep a diary but never do!

I'm not sure where I am at on the road to achieveing some of my long held dreams but know that one day they will come true.

We talked about motivation too... stories about what motivates people to do things, sometimes against all odds.
Inspirational.

Our journeys are fascinating. We journey together, and yet we journey alone.

I am looking forward to experiencing our dreams and I'm curious about the future, whilst trying to appreciate the present while it is here and real. Sometimes that is hard to do.

First steps are daunting, but full of promise, with just a few nerves still...

All men dream but not equally.
Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind awake to find it was only vanity.
The dreamers of the day are dangerous men,
for they act out their dreams with open eyes to make it possible
TE Lawrence

And so we have an exhibition, rather R has an exhibition.

Right on the heels of Greenbelt ~ and after a long period of preparation.

An eclectic mix of 60 pieces of work with different meanings and stories behind them.
It's the stories behind the art that I love the most - very little has been done without a reason behind it, even if the reason is just fun, or just an idea. Some are more serious in nature although not immediately evident.

A mix of humour with the more serious. Different angles, different perspectives, imagination, more of the why not? than the why? ~ time to play, and things to make people stop and question

Which is the reaction we got when we were hanging it - it was SO good to hear discussions and reactions and debate and to cause a stir :) :) :)

People stopping and looking and not just walking on by.

There are few traditionally pretty scenes in there - although we were selective for the venue and included some which are intermingled with the rest ~
the venue being the local hospital.

One thing had to be brought back even though it was causing the most disturbance and I wanted it to stay - our lightbulb on a rock. Health and safety issues mean we have to cover it before we can have it on show. It is being worked on now....

We all have our favourites, and some I love for various reasons.

Mainly I love the ones I can feel just by looking at them that he enjoyed creating... not for the composition, but because they ooze something that says they have been crafted with love and care and say something about all the different aspects of him that need a way out :)

There are nowhere near enough venues for people to express themselves artistically here... but thats another post and might just be too much of a gripe to write it!

I'm curious to see how it is received too, will this place embrace something a little different from the norm? I wonder..

Regardless of that, and above all it's been fun...

Confused

There is a logic of men and boys that I am convinced will always be a mystery ~
at times compulsive and enticing, attractively ridiculous, that belies any reason,
that is without the dawning realisation moment that comes after a dubious action,
but faced with reality brings a blank yet quizzical look of total misunderstanding.


There are days I hardly recognise the world or it's logic, days that get stranger and more obscure as they progress.... (today being one such day)

I love having men and boys in my life, they add beauty and colour, zest and energy, and at times I adore their perspective, I just wish I could fathom them a little more... their behaviour can seem somewhat bizarre and erratic.

Yet I imagine they feel the same about me some days!

Summer loving

We came back from Greenbelt and hit the floor running.

I took down a post about heart shaped plasters...I wish heart ache could be mended that easily.
The feelings are real whatever age you are and friends have been a godsend, quite literally. I know over time my children will have their hearts broken more than once, and a part of me wishes they were the ones doing the breaking instead, but thats not how it works!
There are no words to describe the pain of seeing and being with someone you love so much and not being able to take their pain away. No heart shaped plasters in the first aid kit, just love...

In other news we have also hung R's exhibition, an eclectic mix of work, that caused quite a stir and much discussion ~ something I think art should do.
It was quite amusing to listen to various reactions to some of his pieces.
I am overloaded with photos right now - need to sort them out.. and it's late so the exhibition post will have to wait for another day :)

Love the repeats of sex and the city on sky....perfect to chill out to and send me to bed happy.

And in the background still the drip drip of Greenbelt moments and feelings being processed...and talked about (must have been good to keep lingering!)

Percolating reflections

Julie Lee, Beth Rowley and 'Foreign Slippers'

We have finally landed back home after our first ever trip to Greenbelt.
There are many thoughts and feelings floating around my head about it.
The two things people have been asking me are "have you enjoyed it?" and "what were your best bits?"
It would be easy to just say yes, I have enjoyed it, which would be honest and truthful and to pick out perhaps the obvious acts or speakers which were especially good.

However, I'm not sure that that would even scratch at doing justice to it.

A bit like percolating coffee, it is going to take a while for the full flavour of the experience to be appreciated, and it has as much, if not more to do with the 'moments' that happened along the way as it has with the more obvious.

I was very struck by the fact that Greenbelt is different things to different people fulfilling different needs on many different levels. A complex formula that brings people from all walks of life and from all corners of the globe together - even on the way home on the train I was chatting to a pastor from South Dakota who comes over especially to revive and refresh.
It is a uniquely individual experience, which was so clear in conversation with people we met along the way, who shared tables with us at the beer tent, or who we just found ourselves next to. Even just observing the vastness of the site and the numbers of people and the individuals that sat listening in many different ways to the many good talks or performances that were on.

I had no idea what I should expect and instead decided to just go, and let Greenbelt find me.


Within that vastness I was conscious of a feeling and awareness of solitude aswell as of connectedness, and there was a sense that perhaps it held the possibility to be quite lonesome, maybe... apart from the fact that somehow it wasn't, and somewhere in that lies the distinction between solitude and loneliness.
And for me there is a shift somewhere within that, that occurs on a deep and personal level whilst quietly absorbing the words and the music and the atmosphere, as the initial euphoria settles and the grass turns to mud, and the rain falls, and the festival is there waiting to be discovered, tasted and savoured.

So, knowing I have only tasted, knowing I was only ever going to taste a small part of it I am savouring the small moments as much as the big ones. Perhaps thats the draw, the sense that there is far more to be savoured, that you only ever get fed a fraction of what there is on offer - and if what you taste is good, you leave wanting more. All four of us would like to return, have been left tired and satisfied yet still wanting more. And so we will.

Children were very much a part of it and very evident - whether it was tiny tots dancing freely close up to the stage to wonderful music, or splashing in the mud while Beth Rowley sang Angels flying too close to the ground.

I missed people I very much wanted to see, yet in the waiting for a bus that failed to turn up I made some wonderful connections and shared the ride into the festival with the lovely Julie Lee, which just wouldn't have happened had I not been delayed...she was wonderful, but then so often we would wander into the performance cafe to find yet another gem of a musician previously unknown to us. There were only a couple of things I turned up to that just weren't quite my cup of tea but judging by the numbers there they obviously were someone elses, and so we moved on to another tent, another opportunity.

Very very personally Brian Houston managed to touch something very deep inside with his music, which led to some emotional and hard conversations initiated by my son about his twin who was miscarried - noone said moments had to be uplifting... they are what they are, and it facillitated conversations that couldn't be contrived, or planned, they had to happen naturally... and I am grateful for that opportunity.

There were several tearful moments for various reasons throughout the four days!

However, over the course of the festival there were also the wonderful and uplifting times, including meeting people I have only ever heard about or known through the blogosphere, putting faces to names and managing to spend at least some time with them. A text from the lovely Caroline made my Monday morning, meaning that although she couldn't make it in person, she was a part of it too. Even after the day's festival had come to a close there were more people to meet and share time with into the early hours in the hotel bar. A people filled incredibly special time all round.

One of my most beautiful peaceful experiences though was probably in the calm of a place called 'the Hub' listening to wonderful poetry by Padraig O Tuama as the festival was winding down.

I wish I had seen Pete Rollins, Ikon and Philip Yancey, oh and David Dark, he was there too and I did want to see him, but they are only names I know and had planned on seeing - I got much from those people recommended to me by others as our paths crossed and have to be content with the promise and the hope of another year.

The talks can be downloaded which is fantastic.

The experience is individual and unique.

Already life here is back to full speed and meanwhile in the background the thoughts and feelings, like good coffee, continue to percolate and infuse with a warm, rich, invigorating aroma and taste that I suspect will be felt until next time.

The sun above The Jesus arms

Flying

Flying off for a few days of fun to a place I have heard so much about but think I need to experience for myself!

see you soon, x

Twelve o'clock, midday, fourteen years ago I married my very best friend, who is also the other half of my team, and my soul mate, and we began a new chapter together. It was a wonderful day, with family and friends.

Much has happened since then and our wedding photo is a stark reminder of time, so many have either died or separated since then. Life moves on way too fast, so many chapters in so many books of people's lives.
I'm not a huge fan of anniversaries, or birthdays come to think of it. If I'm honest I'm not really sure what the congratulations are for. I'm not sure what I have achieved. There are many other things I would class as far bigger achievements worth celebrating, but then I'm up for a celebration if there's a reason for one.

Sometimes just getting through a day can seem reason to celebrate, perhaps being here every day is enough reason to celebrate.
Perhaps every day we spend with someone we love and are able to tell them we love them is reason enough.
Just living and loving is enough.
Perhaps that's what my wedding photo is telling me to celebrate.
Celebrating living, loving and being able to share.

It's 12.05, R is judging the childrens art and craft entries at the North show (including the oddly shaped vegetables!!) and we have a full day ahead. 14 years ago right now I was saying my vows, and meaning them, every one.
I'm thankful I found someone to share this wonderful, albeit adversity strewn journey with, and later we'll raise a glass or two over a meal to celebrate 14 colourful years.