caught in the act - totally covered in sawdust!The course wasn't nearly as intense as the last one ~ a huge relief.
Instead those gaps were filled with chatter interlaced with stories.
After the first day the three of us, virtual strangers, who were staying in hotels decided on an evening together. Seeing as all the places to eat were packed, we ended up chilling out in the bar and sharing stories. Funny stories, sad stories, heart stories, unfair stories.... they flowed into one another, parts of history shared between us all. More stories were shared on lifts to and from the course venue. Some kind of bonds were formed, addresses and e mail shared. Perhaps, hopefully, paths will cross in the future.
Then, sitting quietly with a coffee and my book at the airport, I was observing those around me.
A couple who were sipping wine and drinking in every detail of each other, a lady who put in 50p for internet access to scour her e mails until she obviously found the important one ~ I wondered how long she got for her money and imagined it running out before she finished reading... and another lady who sat down by a computer momentarily, before getting up and sitting next to me. There were very few spaces to sit, and she didn't want to take space at a computer when she didn't want to use it. Shared travel stories ensued and developed into work and personal stories...
We were separated on the plane, but on the opposite side of the aisle was a young girl.
When we landed, I took down my bag from the overhead locker - a CBBC bag the children won in a competition when they were smaller. This prompted the girl to comment on it, apparently the logo has changed and she knew exactly which years the bag would have been from.... a trigger for her Mum to start chatting, and even more stories....
People do love sharing stories, almost need to share stories, need to have their stories listened to. It made me think too that everyone of us has a story to tell. Many, but not all, of the stories shared were sad stories. None of them really needed a response in terms of doing anything about them... they just needed to be told, and listened to...
Their value is in their telling.
A story at every corner...
Last night I was aware, in parts, of the storms and high winds howling around the eaves of our bedroom. In those moments I was so pleased I wasn't half way up a mountain.
Today is a day of shelter, taking stock of where we are at, what needs to be done and how to move forward.
I am enjoying listening to midlake, courtesy of the recommendation from LB, a large mug of freshly brewed coffee by my side. We have just been baking banana muffins and melting moments. The children have been asking for ages, and I've put them off again and again.... I guess half the fun is in the mess and the licking of bowls, but the children don't see mess, they just enjoy. I don't remember seeing it either when I was small....
Now the delicious smells from their creations are wafting through the house I do feel rather guilty for my tardiness..
Plans are afoot for exhibitions coming up soon. R has included me in his plans, a push forwards into new territory for me... I'm not used to being in view and am usually more of a background ideas person in this small team.... however, we'll see how things develop. There are lots of ideas floating around ....
Today I'm taking time to stand and stare...I'm not sure it is getting anywhere, but it feels good and necessary....
With more storms forecast for tonight, it's time to shelter quite literally and so, just in case the winds reach the levels predicted, we have even brought the rabbits inside...
and, just to remind myself, from school days...
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
William Henry Davies
My head is bursting......
information overload, sensory overload and emotional overload
Constantly being topped up.
the girls are off to Kilimanjaro tomorrow.......... go girls, go .... to the top :)
....or rather as far as they can....
sadness and mixed feelings.... I should be with them, but can't, and decided I needed to be with little R right now.....
we're all working hard together.
I'm away in Southampton next week, training again, and am studying hard.
Little R is on half term, but wanting work to do in the holiday ready for an exam he's got when he goes back...
a shift in his thinking and working that has been noted at school too.
As hard as I tried to stem them, tears were lurking when I heard about how far he has come in the past few weeks since Christmas...
Tears when they achieve and tears when they don't ...... the overflow of emotion....
The world is full of beautiful people, as Pip so rightly says...
Beautiful people who effect other people ~
Today a friend had a major operation off island. Fortunately prayers for surgeons with steady hands and clear sight were answered and anxiety was replaced with relief :-)
Beautiful people who send parcels to people they have never met,
Beautiful people who call to say they want to spend time in the Summer with you,
Beautiful people who share feelings, and worries, and thoughts, and laughter over coffee,
Beautiful people who smile and ask you what you think, who want to hear your ideas, and share theirs,
Beautiful people who wave as you pass in the car,
Beautiful people who let you in when they are grieving, and beautiful people who shut you out,
Beautiful people laughing, smiling, crying, hurting, loving.... feeling
Beautiful people everywhere, who make life special, and the ordinary.... extraordinary.
Chocolate and surprises - two of my favourite things......
So what a wonderful surprise to find a chocolate filled package from the truly lovely Caroline waiting for me last night, a beautiful person thinking of others. Made my day...
It's delicious.... thank you x
Am feeling much better.....
helped in a small way by a few things ~
A thank you card we received today, totally unnecessary, out of the blue, from someone we met in the middle of last year.
Thank yous are always lovely to receive, but even more so when it's not expected and when it's for something very small. The timing was excellent too - some people seem to always get it right..... I don't, but this was perfect...
I was also dog sitting for my Mum - the dog rested in her bed, and I rested on the sofa.... she has an uncanny way of just knowing, picking up on feelings and emotions, I remember that from our dog when I was growing up too.
Added to that I finished two books totally unrelated to work, enjoyed the calm of their garden, relished the peace and quiet, and just being in my own space - wonderful.... :)
It's viral......
the diagnosis that covers all ills that can't otherwise be explained - fatigue, headaches, nausea, feeling like something dragged up on the shore... that can't quite be shaken off.
Rest and fluids, three days off and hope that finally I'll be back to 'normal', or at least functioning properly.
I don't remember seeing a colour image of a virus before, this one is polio, but google tells me that many are just as beautiful :-)
Reminds me of a gobstopper type sweet that looks tempting but tastes awful
Pretty on the outside but not so great inside....
or a particle from space.... I can see it as a sculpture, or part of one..
Whatever it looks like though, I'm tired of it, when I'm not dozing, I'm too tired to read for long, bored by daytime tv, not able to concentrate on work.......
A whirl of things going round in my head.
It's really not convenient to be ill right now, but it's never going to be convenient....
and I can't remember the last time I was given, or gave myself, permission to just look after me, even if it is only during school hours ....
so it's time to let go and go with the flow for a while...
I wandered into S's room and laid on her bed -
things move forward, I love her room, it's full and busy and pink and fluffy, a nightmare to clean and dust and keep organised, but I love it.
It's been a manic Sunday...
Finally I'm all packed and ready, a few bits left to add in the morning.
Money to pick up, and I'll be away.
When I kiss the children and R goodbye tomorrow morning I won't see them till Thursday evening.
I'm starting to realise how much I'll miss them - I've only ever been a single night away on my own since they were born.
That feels weird, and I'm not sure I like it - I still feel like I need them as much as they need me and I'm not ready to give that up just yet.
I know they'll all be fine - and I've got some serious work to get on with.
The hotel looks wonderful, and I shall have space to read and relax inbetween studies.
Internet access but no computer.....
Will catch up next weekend,
aurevoir
The New Year got off to a wobbly start, with the realisation on the way to work yesterday, that I really didn't feel too well.
However, putting it to the back of my mind, and avoiding all food or drink other than water, I was able to keep the nausea at bay and plod through most of the morning's work.
There have been a few times since I started this new job, when I have been taken aback by what can only be called the kindness of human nature and yesterday was one of them. We were busy and already one member of staff down, yet every one of the team helped out when they were able. I felt totally supported and cared for, and was sent home slightly early with an assurance that if I wasn't well in the morning I wasn't to go in.
It is six months since I finally finished my previous job. It was more than a job, it was something I worked for from my heart, I loved it but it was a job for more than one person on their own and I had no one to share it with. Choosing to hand in my notice was emotionally painful and it's been a long recovery.
A much valued service was taken away from people as a result, and although I cannot be responsible for it, I still hurt with that knowledge, and will continue to search for a way around it.
I know I have been reluctant to enthuse too much about my new job, probably because it lacks some of those vocational qualities I've always searched out in whatever I've done previously.
I've wondered where I am going to, wondered how fulfilled this is going to make me, yet knowing on a logical, cognitive level, that it was, as one of my close friends would term it, 'a good call', a much needed change on many counts.
I'm now sitting here, having had 19 hours solid sleep, feeling much better, and am truly thankful that I am in a position, not just doing something I'm enjoying, but where people care about me. That it's not just enough for me to care about others, but that I am worthy of being cared for too. Surely that shouldn't be such an odd concept....?
So far it's been a steep learning curve, with new skills to develop and perfect, but I'm well on my way. Next week I'm away in England to start on the next stage of my training, and looking forward to it.
I'm not sure what the catalyst for change is, but I know life happens regardless of the plans we make.
I tend not to make New Years resolutions, but rather make them up as I go along. This time last year I wouldn't have predicted being in the situation I am in now.
I still have no idea where it's all going to, but perhaps we do really end up exactly where we are supposed to be somehow.
Wow that was quick... and intense. Tomorrow R is back to work, then the children are back the following day.
They are ready.....
too many late nights, too much staying inside, too much having to be good, watching what they say, too little freedom.
I hate feeling restricted, contained, smothered, other people's expectations.... it's not surprising they don't like it either.
Sometimes the lid has to come off the pot and let the steam out - safely, but it has to be let out.
We all need our safety valve, be it football, dancing, art, music, whatever...
With the forthcoming term upon us it only seemed sensible to sort some essential, and some not so essential shopping.
The children needed shoes, Sam needed some winter boots, and I didn't need anything, but I did find some wellies ...
all I need now are a few puddles to splash in :)
