Calm

Constant emotional turmoil is tiring, exhausting, not just mentally, but physically, and when there is a let up sleep comes regardless....

I have always loved the body's capacity to heal and to take what it needs for itself when it needs it. It's a pretty clever bit of kit really. Apart from the fact mine is in overdrive on itself but everything has it's faults now and again!!

So I am now rested and calm has come home to roost again.
How delicious calm is...beautiful and wonderful and reassuring.
Calm that means that we have worked through whatever we had to at that moment, calm that reminds me of what it can be like, and that reassures me all can be well.

This moment is easy to live in, easy to absorb.

Living in the moments when life has been so hard is difficult, and I have pondered them lately ~ living and feeling so acutely and so deeply, and hurting and loving so painfully, and seeming to be so helpless and ineffectual.
How do we, can we, live fully in those moments too, knowing that in time they will pass? Knowing we will look back, and that every moment of living is precious and that in some way we should be appreciating them because we are not merely existing, and yet they are, or now I look back, have been, some of the hardest moments. Lower than I thought I could go, and far more scared.
The more we love, the more we have to lose I guess.

Do I really want to be wiser if it means experiencing pain and hurt? We don't always get a choice...so I guess it's best to just take what it offers in return regardless. I don't want to miss out on the good bits, on the adventure, and yet truly honestly have wished I didn't have to live through the rough bits at times.

I'm not 100% sure why or how, but calm is here, if even fleetingly, and now I'm soaking it up, digging the garden and planting veggies and salady stuff, appreciating it's prescence nurturing my soul. It feels good.

Inbetween we have revived the hamster who for some reason had become very dehydrated and was obviously very sick but is now a happy fluffball again, and a very wonderful friend brought me my belated Christmas present... I do love it when Christmas comes all year round! :)


Thank you too for your beautiful comments, there is a community here that is hard to explain or understand, it is appreciated, thank you,
xoxo

ps, Walker... I have not forgotten your request...but those beaches will have to wait for now! ;) x

Life is just what happens to you,
While your busy making other plans
(John Lennon)

Sorry, there are no words and no pictures...
I'm sure I'll be back but right now can't do it all...

every time I think I can breathe again something comes along to stop me.
This is not fun..
but equally there is always a way, and, if there is, then it will be found,

aurevoir for now,
till next time anyhow.

Be good, and, if you can't be good...

well

use your imaginations and have fun ;)

xx

4o days

40 days, 40 people, 40 experiences.
One glass box.

In the forty days running up to Easter forty artists and members of the public will spend a day each in a glass fronted exhibition space with nothing but water, Shakespeare and the Bible as sustenance.

Interesting...
you can watch live too on the web cam

and thanks to mmp, muddled market place on my sidebar, for the link :)

You can never hold back Spring

You can never hold back spring
You can be sure that I will never
Stop believing
The blushing rose will climb
Spring ahead or fall behind
Winter dreams the same dream
Every time

You can never hold back spring
Even though you've lost your way
The world keeps dreaming of spring

So close your eyes
Open you heart
To one who's dreaming of you
You can never hold back spring
Baby

Remember everything that spring
Can bring
You can never hold back spring
(Tom Waits)

It's a beautiful day outside and it made me think of this, just seemed apt today.

Our dreams keep us going, our beliefs, our desires, our search

The seasons promise so much.

New beginnings, hope and possibility.

There are new chapters yet to unfold, with old characters and new.

It’s beautiful, it’s scary, it’s wondrous, unpredictable, unknown, mystical and tantalizingly enticing, drawing us in. We glimpse unspoken promises, hints of the multicoloured journey ahead.

When new chapters start they offer all those things and more, however, as a new one starts another one comes to a close, but each cannot stand alone ~ they are interlinked and interdependent on each other, essential to the mystery.

My great grandmother used to say that the longest hour was only 60 minutes long. How true, and how we feel every one of those minutes, especially when the hours stretch into days and the chapter seems never ending. Other chapters race by and are gone.

I’m wondering what these chapters ahead are going to hold, where they will lead. Will they drag or will I find myself on a magical mystery tour. And what of those around me ~ how wonderful it is to peek over someone’s shoulder and see where their story is taking them and to let them into my story too.

the world does indeed dream of spring, you can never hold back spring - our eternal visual hope, whatever lies ahead.

And even when we think we are lost, perhaps we're not.

In time

Given work and energy, time and space, everything settles..
in time :)





Thanks for your comments on the post I took down... all of you.
I have them safe still,

Have a beautiful weekend, x

A whole new take on giving them wings...!!

Wonder, amazement, awe.
Skill, power, freedom, energy, life ~ and such bodies too....;)

yet when I watch or think about it I feel fear in the pit of my stomach... I can see the attraction, but can think of safer ways of getting an adrenaline rush..

Still awesome, just it goes against all my protective instincts and knowledge that we are certainly not indestructable.

I'm not easily scared, I know the best stories are often born out of risks taken and adventures lived, that the safe option is rarely the most exciting, and yet sometimes we miscalculate, and sometimes there is no way back.....

One day perhaps I'll sit, and over a glass or two of wine, hear him relate his tales of high energy, adrenaline pumping, risktaking.

For now I pray for a small voice of reason, and some reinforcements for my nerves.
We're only human, not superheroes...

well, only in our dreams..

Spring

Hedge stalls are commonplace here with a jam jar or such like to leave money in.
A legacy of the past we manage to still hang onto somehow.
I smiled when I saw this one a few days ago. Something about it's simplicity reminded me of stalls I put out as a child.
It doesn't cost much to bring spring in from outside.
A change of rhythm, a splash of colour, a different feel to the place, the smell of spring too.

They are beautiful and spring is on it's way :) honest it is...

"I learned that the world has a soul, and that whoever understands that soul can also understand the language of things.
I learned that many alchemists realized their destinies, and wound up discovering the Soul of the World, the Philosopher's Stone, and the Elixir of Life.
But above all, I learned that these things are all so simple they could be written on the surface of an emerald."

from 'The Alchemist' by Paulo Coehlo



I can't help but think that most things in life are simpler than we make them out to be, we just don't always see it.
I have been away, house sitting and animal sitting and have only had brief moments to complete work at the computer..
no internet where I was staying!
(in some ways very liberating but I did miss it too)

However, there was time to reflect...
And time to face a few things that have come to light recently.
Some hard things that need work on, that need my time ~
teen troubles again.
Time, love and effort, commitment
teamwork.

If I'm quiet then that's why.
I haven't felt much like talking lately
sometimes life is scary...
been holding my breath as we start to turn a corner,
but daren't let go just yet...

for some odd reason I want and need to document how I feel.
One day I'll look back at this and remember how hard it was, but we will have come through it, battered and bruised (not literally I should add), but hopefully intact, and maybe wiser, who knows..!

The nicest thing that anyone has said relating to this is that whatever you put in eventually comes out ~
all the love and caring,
all of you that you give,
in the end it shows..

I needed to hear that
and in my heart I know that's true.

Just gotta keep on believing
and keep on loving
and showing it...



Sorry I didn't manage to reply to comments sooner.. they were all appreciated, I will be round soon, but have a very special young persons birthday to celebrate in the mean time :) x

kisses

sent from above....?
as I arrived home this lunchtime.
Much needed too.
I love moments like that, they just make me smile,
and wonder...
perhaps someone, somewhere, knew I needed exactly that.

Too short

Why do people, (all people at times,) forget that

Life is just far too short..

for so many things...

for misperceptions, regrets, foolish pride, not recognising or appreciating the good in one another,
for not loving, seeing, feeling and tasting what is around us...

too much time wasted on just not living...
time wasted on soul destroying, when it could be spent instead on soul building, or nurturing..

just thinking aloud.

It's beautiful today...

Lets go fly a Kite

With tuppence for paper and strings,
you can have your own set of wings.
With your feet on the ground,
you're a bird in flight!
With your fist holding tight,
to the string of your kite!

Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height
Let's go fly a kite
And send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Oh, let's go fly a kite!

When you send it flying up there,
all at once your lighter than air!
You can dance on the breeze,
over 'ouses and trees!
With your fist 'olding tight,
to the string your kite!

Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height
Let's go fly a kite
And send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Oh, let's go fly a kite!

(from Mary Poppins)

Promises

You know those promises you make yourself when you're younger..
that you won't do this, and you will do that..?

that you wont turn into your parents
and you'll stay fun and cool
and you'll be friends with your kids
and you won't get fat
and flabby
and wear dreadful clothes,
that you'll only give advice when it's asked for
and that you'll keep an open mind
on all things,
on drink and drugs and sex
and you'll remember what it's like to be young
and foolish
and horny
and idealistic
and unrealistic,
and to dream
and not think about getting old,
that you'll try and see their world as they see it,
and not how you perceive it to be

and that you won't shout or get angry at anyone just for being the age they are and being daft
and you'll try to not embarass them or make them feel uncomfortable
that you'll never try and make them fit the mould you want them to..
even if you think it'll be the easier path,
that you'll let them find their own way
and just be their guide
that you won't let anything phase you -
in fact, quite naturally, nothing can phase you
even, and especially minor things like fashion and hair,

because there are bigger things in life to stress over,
and because, of course you have seen it (or most of it) before...
and of course you are realistic..

because you have seen it happen to other people,

BUT you have never had it happen to you...

there are times I need to remind myself of these things..
especially when all the things I said I'd never be peep out from behind closed doors and curtains
tempting me to give in,
and when sometimes classic situations present themselves
as they are prone to do now and again
It can be very hard to remember and keep those long held promises, to stay true to the values we decide for ourselves.

And sometimes a moment presents itself when we find ourselves keeping a long held promise and then it passes and for better or worse it was your choice,

tonight a good friend and I shared one such moment,
we smiled at one another and let it go... we kept our promises to ourselves

Every time, I say a prayer and hope it was the right thing to do...
There are more to come, and not all as easy as this one,

Staying true to our hearts,
honouring our promises,
it's harder than we think.

Kind words...spoken in love

"Words have the power to both destroy and heal.
When words are both true and kind, they can change our world."
Buddha

Words have been on my mind a lot lately...
their power to change how we think, feel, and act.
The difference between words chosen in love and those designed to maim, and not just the words, but how they are said and how they are packaged.

Once said they can't be taken back, they can linger on indefinitely, even, and perhaps, for ever..

yet silence isn't always the answer either ~ it can hurt every bit as much as words spoken can.

To be careful and use them wisely is a lesson that can't be learned too early.
It hurts when I hear people destroying one another with words, more so when they are young...
and why?

Words as weapons fall far too easily from lips that perhaps don't realise the lasting effects and potential damage done, and they come from both young and old lips alike....

And yet to quote Mother Teresa

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless"

Endless echoes are good...if only we could remember that before we open our mouths..

"Underground, overground, Wombling free. The Wombles of Wimbledon Common are we ! Making good use of the things that we find - things that the everyday folk leave behind !"

I remember being fascinated when I was very small by the idea that there were Wombles living in Wimbledon common and it was in fact the only reason back then that I wanted to visit it... to see if I could see them.
Then I grew up and realised they were purely imaginary!!

Skip rummaging and reusing things has always been a part of life here - so often it feels as if we've stepped into Steptoes back yard, but then we have mirrors, shelves, a shed, and various bits around the place that we couldn't afford any other way really, plus no end of picture frames and other 'found' objects that invariably end up as pieces of 'art' in some form or other.

So, I thought it was wonderful when I was told about an event planned this friday, where, once again there will be Wombles wombling in Wimbledon, but this time for real...

The Big Womble is being co-ordinated by The London Community Recycling Network and they are encouraging people to find broken, tired and discarded furniture and household items and bring them to Wimbledon College to be refurbished and reused. At the end of the day these items will be donated to furniture reuse charities in the city. Various celebrities have donated old and unwanted furniture to be reused and there looks to be lots planned for the day.
If I lived close I'd definitely be there - instead I'll drop in from afar and am spreading the word for them...

Happy Wombling all of you :)

Looking back

Whats round the next corner and are we nearly there yet? Do we really want to know?

Isn't it strange how so many things only make sense on reflection, that while we are going through them we can't always see.
And even if we are aware, without the next piece of the puzzle we find it hard to believe.

Sometimes it's not until things get so very hard, that we are given, or we find a way out.
That we emerge stronger and wiser (just maybe) than we were.

Sometimes (most often anyway) I'm grateful I only know whats happening now and don't know what lies ahead, yet looking back it does all fit into place.
Somehow everything, including all our choices ~ made with the best information we had to hand, and all the things that were taken out of our hands too, they all fit together to make sense and bring us to where we are now.


I am reminded of the words of the Desiderata that say that
"no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should"

It just takes patience and faith and trust to believe in that sometimes...

we are on holiday this week, we have time and space and no set plans, a rare gift indeed :)

The Lemonade award

A while back I was given the lemonade award by two beautiful people, much2ponder and Calli...

The Lemonade Award is for sites which show great attitude and/or gratitude!

Rules for the award:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude!
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Nominate your favorites and link to this post.

It has taken me so long to post this because being honest I could just refer you to my sidebar and you would find wonderful people at the end of any of them

but since am asked to choose, I nominate
Stacey at Independent chick
Jayne at Journey through grace
Romany Angel at An Angel on My Shoulder
Shaz at Dare to dream
and Gilly at Winds of Change


Thank you :) x

Changes, challenges and love

Changes are afoot..
Valentines day, purely by virtue of being singled out is memorable, years when there were no cards, the year the postman delivered a card and I didn't have a clue who it was from,
the year my son was due, but ended up over two weeks late ~ tomato soup and cod liver oil (not to be recommended), various other memories, a meeting with the local press at school, meeting my parents from holiday at the airport, surprise encounters that made me smile long after the event... that changed my thinking, romantic adventures that cost nothing but imagination.

Tonight, watching a dance concert with my daughter in it...
how times have changed :)
still romantic though, just different!

Perceptions change, what is important changes.

Ahead of us is a mountain...it's scary and it's real.
Distracted by the dance concert I could escape for a while and it was wonderful, but still the challenge lies ahead of us.
Bravely, together, and with good friends we are making our way forwards.

I had no idea when we started this journey of parenthood that it was going to be so challenging, so scary, and like so many I always thought things happened to other people,
but the challenges aren't made up, they are very real, they are ours.
Older and wiser people than I have offered reassurance, which is so welcome, yet as is always going to be the case, noone but us can go through this. Ultimately we are always alone, even when surrounded by others. We have to own our lives, our decisions and our actions.

Blessed with friends who care, and who are on hand to give support, in the end we are back to love...
that everyone needs to be loved, needs to know they are loved and cared for, that they are accepted for who they are, that we all mess up and need to give and receive forgiveness, time and time again, that it may never be the intention and yet we will hurt people without knowing, without meaning to, and that doesn't make us bad people, just that we are human.
We need to know we have people who are on our side fighting for us, believing in us even when we have lost faith in ourselves.

Not long ago Pip posted this and it keeps coming to mind,

" It was the love that dared not speak its name.

Now we weren't taught hatred.
Or aggression.
Pip told us all - you are a beautiful human person.
You need to hear that at 15.
And when we graduated to The Very Stinking Late Show at 17 we needed to hear it just as much."

The challenge isn't to love ~ that's easy, innate, the challenge is letting it show through, whilst not accepting certain behaviour.

It's turbulent, for them and for us.
We're finding our way
I am more scared of falling than I have ever been, there is more to risk.
I care more and love more than I have ever known.
Noone ever said it would be easy, all they say is that it is worth it.
There are many many magical moments, but just right now it's tough going...

However,
we have friends, and we have one another.

And one step at a time...with love...

we will get there.

From the broken heart of Gaza

Sending out a message...


Father Manuel Musallam, the Parish Priest of Gaza has written to the wider Church of God.
His letter was made public in January 2009.
It inspired Garth to write this song, and others to help him put together these images to go with the words and music.






- originally I heard of this from bigjohn...I just posted the song, his post tells it better -

Stay close

Last night I drove back along the coast road as the sea whipped up high above the wall, playing some kind of 'dodge the waves' game as I drove. It was wild and wonderful, untamed and free.

It was beautiful.

Nature has a way of silencing the soul, the power of the forces that surround us, the elements, that make us feel so small, and so in awe.

As I stayed safe watching and listening from the warmth of our home I finally drew breath. It has been busy. Work has been constant, but happy, S has been dancing in the festival, I was judge for a local competition, we have had friends birthdays to celebrate, and the usual routine of life to fit in around it all!

when it all gets too busy to see the way ahead I love the words of my dearest friend who says, "just stay close,"
and tonight I watched a small baby awake, then fighting sleep, cuddled in close. Safe, warm and cosy. Small cries of tiredness, momentarily distracted by life around her until she looked around and cried again. Then with ever heavier eyelids, she finally gave in, her head relaxed, her whole body at rest, sleeping peacefully.
A moment of calm and peace.
Of remembrance of promises made, of dreams, hopes and wishes for the future...

of love.

Just stay close.



I am also thinking of the Australian bush fires, of all those who have died and their families, and pray my loved ones stay safe out there too...

Made me smile today - a wonderful gift from across the oceans, with these words...thank you Jayne x

Kindness is a gift
that nurtures our souls,
smooths our edges and
awakens our hearts to beauty

a little kindness can go a long, long, way. It can transform a dull day into one that looks so much brighter. A glow that brings a spring to our step and lightens our hearts.

Hope anyone who is reading has a beautiful weekend ahead.