Constant emotional turmoil is tiring, exhausting, not just mentally, but physically, and when there is a let up sleep comes regardless....
I have always loved the body's capacity to heal and to take what it needs for itself when it needs it. It's a pretty clever bit of kit really. Apart from the fact mine is in overdrive on itself but everything has it's faults now and again!!
So I am now rested and calm has come home to roost again.
How delicious calm is...beautiful and wonderful and reassuring.
Calm that means that we have worked through whatever we had to at that moment, calm that reminds me of what it can be like, and that reassures me all can be well.
This moment is easy to live in, easy to absorb.
Living in the moments when life has been so hard is difficult, and I have pondered them lately ~ living and feeling so acutely and so deeply, and hurting and loving so painfully, and seeming to be so helpless and ineffectual.
How do we, can we, live fully in those moments too, knowing that in time they will pass? Knowing we will look back, and that every moment of living is precious and that in some way we should be appreciating them because we are not merely existing, and yet they are, or now I look back, have been, some of the hardest moments. Lower than I thought I could go, and far more scared.
The more we love, the more we have to lose I guess.
Do I really want to be wiser if it means experiencing pain and hurt? We don't always get a choice...so I guess it's best to just take what it offers in return regardless. I don't want to miss out on the good bits, on the adventure, and yet truly honestly have wished I didn't have to live through the rough bits at times.
I'm not 100% sure why or how, but calm is here, if even fleetingly, and now I'm soaking it up, digging the garden and planting veggies and salady stuff, appreciating it's prescence nurturing my soul. It feels good.
Inbetween we have revived the hamster who for some reason had become very dehydrated and was obviously very sick but is now a happy fluffball again, and a very wonderful friend brought me my belated Christmas present... I do love it when Christmas comes all year round! :)
Thank you too for your beautiful comments, there is a community here that is hard to explain or understand, it is appreciated, thank you,
xoxo
ps, Walker... I have not forgotten your request...but those beaches will have to wait for now! ;) x
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Calm
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11 comments:
I love what you say here...
"Do I really want to be wiser if it means experiencing pain and hurt? We don't always get a choice...so I guess it's best to just take what it offers in return regardless. I don't want to miss out on the good bits, on the adventure, and yet truly honestly have wished I didn't have to live through the rough bits at times."
You are not alone in this thought and feeling. Life is just strange that way isn't it? At times we feel we want to do all we can to grow in wisdom and understanding and at other times we wish we could crawl in a hole and hide. Life is hard and life is wonderful at the same time. It is all about balance as you have stated before. How much better off we are when we are able to live in the moment and truly find what we need in the simplest of occurrences. Your words touched my heart today and I am praying the calm last, at least for a while, amen? Amen! You are lived.
RD...I meant to say, you are loved, lol. Silly me, I truly need to slow down a little I guess or proof read before I post my comments.
Oh Katie, it is so good to see you back, and calm and happy. You write such wise words, I gain a lot from them.
Your hamster reminds me of years ago when we had one, and we let him run around in the sitting room in the evening - until we found he was quietly eating the carpet, pulling up all the wool for his nest and elaving us with a bare patch!!
May the good days continue and your veggie patch flourish! XX
i *love* that image of your hamster!
and sometimes,
in all the hurrying
a hamsters life
is so very precious
I suppose if it were sunshine and roses all the time, we couldn't appreciate it? I try to focus on the mantra that I may not be able to control what life throws at me, but the one thing I can control is how I respond to it and how I let it affect me. All in my control. My choice. That way, choosing to take what comes, knowing that it will pass, somehow makes it a wee bit less stressful? Love and hugs to you dear friend.
calm = xanax.
Kidding! But sometimes it takes a little help for me.I wish I COULD just use some sort of excercise.
Hadnt thought about it but Im in the same place (calm) God what an unusual feeling, Ive been almost sea sick from the waves rocking my boat...
May be a false feeling but I feel pretty well at peace. I walked out to the back deck last full moon and yelled, 'for Gods sake universe, show me what it is you want for me'
and since that point things have happened, tis not going to be easy but Im calm about the changes.
Glad your back Katie and in a better head space. Tis all a lesson, somethimes we just dont get it till down the track.
and it has fallen into place,
much2ponder,
thank you, we are managing a degree of calm and as it lasts it feels stronger than it did..and more possible. You are loved too, xx
Gilly, I am laughing at the thought of your hamster - I wasn't sure about all these animals - we only havea cat, two rabbits and the hamster, but still...and I am allergic to the cat, but that is by the by.. they have been good.
the veggie patch is still under construction - more hard digging required but all is ready to go as soon as it is done :)
mmp, you say things so simply and to the point, thank you, it is indeed.. very precious, xx
Jayne, it is a wise mantra..though it didn't feel as if I had a choice - I just felt it all...every last bit.. and still can now when I think back, thank you for your love and friendship, xx
Tammi, Hi and welcome, :)
lol, have actually managed to get back to the gym lately..and exercise does give me some control over how I feel about myself.. and time away...not that I really felt like doing it.. will come by you in a bit, Katie, x
Abz,
Calm is an odd feeling here too, so used to the rocking motion we sway even on land!!
I am so pleased you are in a better head space than before too,
it's not easy but we're not as isolated in our aloneness as we sometimes think, cheers, xx
Man do I kow how you feel. Most times i think i live ina caldron of boiling oil.
I have turned my livng room into a jungle of life and threw in an aquatium so i can hear the water fall.
I sit there litening to nothing and feeling the 30 plants around me.
My kids think I'm nuts or stoned.
They may be right but for that moment all i hear is nothing but the water and the calm within me.
Don't worry about the beach the weather is getting better and the skirts and growing shorter HA HA HA
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