Early hours

It's early in the morning.
A lack of coherent words has stopped me from posting - I seem to have been engrossed in a language only known to others on the same course as me, which makes me wonder how valid our course really is ~ just don't tell our tutor!!

I want to write, want to communicate, and there is so much I could say ~
so what is current?

Pip would ask about words to describe my life right now...
tired, stretched, yearning, doubtful and hopeful
what a meagre array of words.. yet when I think about them they are true, heartfelt for many reasons.

True we are struggling with teenage years - that is going to continue for years, and every parent alive will know what it is like to a degree.. they miss that out of parent classes - how to scare a potential parent!!
Yet they also don't tell you the sheer power of a young man's hug and him telling you he loves you and that you are his best friend.
So much I could say to that, but will leave it at the most amazing feeling and life giving force.

Honesty I can cope with - it doesn't matter how hard it is, at least you then know what it is.. deceit and lies are hard - you don't know at all...can't judge where you are, or what the correct response is - Why do people struggle so much to tell you the truth? Truth is a gift, no matter how cruel it may seem.. I value that..

perhaps it's the big things that pervade my world right now that make it so hard to communicate - I could fill these posts with daily grind but there hasn't been time for blogging that.
It was fantastic to get away last weekend, but since then we are back on track and inbetween are all the things you can't plan for, the tears and the laughter too...
it can make you wish for a smooth ride, but when when was that ever fun? I would say when was that true, but guess it is now and again!

Hey a strange phenomenum - my blood results have all gone upwards since I gave up the ongoing daily stress last year...
not sure how the medical world view it, but I think it's great :) a physical response to a situation, now reversed, although I honestly thought I was coping ok with it back then... very odd...but pleased I am feeling good and am ok now.

Despite the tears - including the recent death of R juniors coach aged 37 - noone should die so young, an amazing man, so lovely, and such a fantastic influence in R's life and mine too - we are looking for the positives, the things that give us hope, the fun things in life.. perhaps more so because of someone elses life cut short.

I am loving my new job - working hard and finding my feet - creating my own space and my own niche.
After Tuesday I will be around - I plan to have my camera back with me and some head space.

I didn't think I would miss this space I call my own, but I do, and I'm not sure it would matter too much if noone visited, although that has an effect ~ I would still want to write (when and how exactly did that happen????)

Thank you to those who still pop by - I do appreciate it :)

xx