Greenbelt 09

A special place, friends, meetings, a magical wonderful half day with a most beautiful person, an incredible thought provoking, fire starting experience..! more on all later... :)
more to come, more to experience...
late nights and the best company
It's special
tired but happy... can't beat it!

Bruised souls

We bruise easily,
and the bruises aren't always seen,
we feel them before they show,
If we are clever we can cover them over so they don't show as much..
a bit of makeup, a smile, a laugh,
but behind those telling eyes lies the real truth

Those who hurt us know what they are doing,
they are only too well aware,
yet others don't always see,
or choose not to.
Even if we tell we may not be believed.

We rarely are.

They who hurt are clever,
and care not for feelings
apart from their own, their own self gratification,
feeding on scraps thrown,
or feast on spoils gained by means more often foul than fair


depending how hard our skin is,
we may not bleed when we fall,
bones may not be broken,
but we will always bruise,
and we will always feel the hurt, the pain
hidden away, under layers of fabric,
out of view, yet very much felt..
the ache and throb of bruised flesh
a soul bleeding into itself

all souls bleed,
all souls bruise,

every time...
and every time we heal,
yet souls never harden to bruises,

it's human,
and it hurts,
yet how many really see?

A blank page

sitting quietly, with a blank page, hundreds of thoughts and moments running through my mind, ideas, concerns, worries, lists, people, places, prayers intertwined, journeys.... friends mid-ocean as I type, lots to filter into some kind of order.. all fill their allocated spaces and jostle for attention.
Nothing that forms any sense to write about. I know I should sleep.
Somehow staring at a blank page, although the ideas and thoughts haven't yet been verbalised, helps to soothe and to settle...
to calm
not all words need to be spoken, nor thoughts expressed, sometimes contemplation is enough
sometimes a blank page is what we need...

or even a thin place where things fall into the wonderful scheme of life somehow...

and we're nearly there

Stepping up a gear and getting ready for time out

some are already there getting it ready, we'll arrive when it's all set up...

starting to get excited now

15 years ago

A hand to hold through the storm...

Noone ever said it was going to be easy, I know that, and some people learn it earlier than others, but we all learn it at some point.

We all need a hand to hold, especially when the storms blow up,
and arms to comfort when we are washed up on the shore.
People who will walk with us on the adventure and encourage us when we get weary, aswell as celebrating all the good things there are around,
someone to take risks with and for.
If we're lucky hopefully we can always look and see at least someone who is there, it might not always be the same face, but someone...


15 years ago we promised to be there for one another, through thick and thin, (or sick and sin). Perhaps anniversaries just make us pause and reflect, on scars and bruises and celebrate the journey so far.
A hand, a safe hand to hold.

And now, looking ahead, taking the next leap into the future wherever that may be.

And raising a glass, because there can never be enough reasons to do that!

Cheers, x

Doing it the french way...

Taking life slow meant sometimes frequenting local cafes.. and some very nice ones too with various art adorning the walls

and perhaps the most plush ladies room I have been to in a cafe,
but then not all loos have been Feng Shui ed!

Perhaps I should consider this at home,
but am not sure I could get it to wash with the kids somehow...

Just made me smile :)

Tales of the unexpected..

Does the world go mad every now and again?

Gets a little more shook up, people become even more erratic than usual, less predictable and more illogical?

When you look out, you see chaos and muddy paths, sometimes left in the wake of unnecessary hurt and pain, and more often than not in the wake of human action or inaction.
And nothing really makes any sense, falls apart under scrutiny.

Or is it that the world is always like this, and just sometimes it is brought closer to home, brought to our attention, to make us sit up and take notice of what's outside our own small and yet significant (to us) lives.

Sometimes is it perhaps a 'wake up call' from the universe, a reminder of how erratic us human creatures really are, or can be, to take us out of our boxes and get caught up in the conundrum of life again?

Whatever it is, lately I've come to start expecting the unexpected ...

and so to bed... :)

Coming Home

You can't come home till you've been away...

the attic hideaway

We're back from a week away, and hopefully some of it will stay with us..
the frame of mind, the peace, the feelings
the time we had to pause and reflect, and comment in the margin of the manuscript of day to day life, to escape and re energise, and to rediscover some of the fun of just being together and playing.

without television, or internet connection (apart from one cafe we frequented on several occassions) and with very intermittent mobile connection, there is little choice, which is good in so many ways.

and so we walked, cycled, and even (almost) or at least practiced our unicycling...one day we'll master the art of it :)

having fun, just being friends, enjoying being around one another,
playing and laughing, appreciating the countryside and the river and all it had to offer.

not sure what the crosses were for - we kept coming across them along the roadside...

free dandelion wishes... :)

“Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.”

Buddha quote

or a touch
or a presence,
just being there,
just loving.

Today, was long, good, painful, full...
full of huge feelings and emotions,
and full of love...

Love is the only thing that makes any difference to anything
I am more certain of that than ever, as I look back and ponder today,
and I am grateful and fortunate to have been surrounded by people who have cared and who love.

prayers and thoughts go out to the whole family whose baby girl was laid to rest today....

If love could bring her back then she'd be right here, living now...
yet love can merely comfort those who are here living and feeling

Big thoughts, big feelings, and so much love....

time lapse photography is wonderful...

I learned new things about the symbolic meaning of butterflies today...

I like that :)

Untitled....

In a few days I will pay my last respects and say goodbye to a gorgeous beautiful little girl who lived for all of one year in this world... I'm out of words on that front

and so loved this post from James Oh...

life makes no sense at all.. all I know is I have to live it while I am here...

some people manage to do just that...pure inspiration

surfbabe unleashed...

Wow...
I've just been surfing.. not merely playing in the surf, but on a proper board riding those waves...
my very first time... a virgin surf babe.. that came out wrong but you know what I mean!

what an incredible adrenaline rush, the most amazing feeling.. ever...(almost)

it's been a very very long time since I felt like that.

Release the inner you, dig deep and find what makes you come alive...
I think I've got myself a new sport.

all afternoon on my knees.. the next step is to stand up...somehow I just wanted to feel at ease on my knees before I went to the next stage, but boy did it feel good. Noone ever told me how good it was going to be...

me, a board, the waves, the taste and smell and noise of the sea...and pure unadulterated exhileration...

plus, and this was the only reason I was persuaded to give it a go in the first place...

it was my first time ever in a wetsuit... I'd never have realised how much of a difference they made..
Raynauds and lupus forgotten, I was snug and warm almost.

So, that's birthday and Christmas sorted present wise... and if you want to find me, I'll be playing with the surf and surfers... and keeping fit at the same time :)

Am sure that somewhere out there God was not so much hiding as beaming and laughing with me...enjoying the beauty and forcefulness of his creation... the most incredible playground... amazing.

am waiting to start to ache as I realise that two hours is quite a long time to be constantly dragging your board through the surf and pulling yourself up onto it, but it never crossed my mind till afterwards...

In the moment

So, we follow the signs,we listen and we go where our hearts take us, or we go where we will, where we need to go,
paths cross, and conversations take place.

Somehow we know that some of these conversations are important,
they mark a path perhaps for sometime in the future,
we don't know where we are going,
yet somehow we know we are being led, or we are at least going somewhere.

We eat and drink with friends, we share laughter and fun,
experiences,
and sometimes it feels odd to be aware that whilst we are doing just that, we are in fact journeying,
and that while we are enjoying the moment, there is something ahead that beckons

always moving, never standing still, there is always another corner left to turn, with perhaps a surprise waiting beyond it...


( just back from a spontaneous evening with friends (my family) getting passport photos signed, somehow it was a perfect evening...)

Questions

There are many times I question god...however you perceive him/her to be

times when it just doesn't make sense..

how do you ever make sense of the death of a child...?

where is the rhyme or reason?

I see grief, I feel grief, I question, I have no answers, and I feel it all the more...

I think lots of things, and yet, none of it changes anything...

there is a huge, big why...and wishing we could turn back time and make it different...

life's not fair

it brings hurt and pain... and surely it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever...

how do people carry on believing? How do they carry on living?

I wish I knew... I don't think I'd be that strong...

and I surely don't want to find out, not ever....

fun memories...

Ever wondered what lay behind some of the 'modern art' we see around?

me too... ;)

Elvis... is NOT leaving the building....

Huge changes.
A school finally closed.
We had to return today as we will several times this summer to collect and sort various things...
the first time we had been since it finally closed it's doors a week ago.

Inside this now desolate and abandoned building there are years of teaching, of children and their memories, the library, books, desks, work, reminders of lives lived, of the fact that people live inside schools too, they don't leave the outside world behind when they walk in in the morning and collect it on the way out as they leave... it comes in with them, and stays, affects them during the day, colours their view of everything that happens.

Friends, relationships, experiences. Names written ~ some carved on desks and chairs, momentoes left, marking the passage of time, but also of lives, children's lives as they grow and develop.
Important years as they mould into who they are, and find their way.

It was a moving experience in both senses of the word...sad, and sadder in some ways that the last students have had to try and carry on as normal for the past few months while their teachers pack up the school around them. Everything is divided and labelled awaiting transport to it's new resting place at one of the other existing schools...art work that has adorned the walls is now gone, the whole energy of the place has altered.

So, I smiled as I turned the corner up the stairs to see what could only ever be a creation influenced by R... the only piece of art left, and there to stay till the bitter end....

You can take everything from a place or a person, but feelings, emotions and memories can never be erased.

Grounded...

So, it would appear that having others in the spa pool was a distraction for the footballers, and so it was reserved purely for them from then on! C'est la vie!!
However, back home our family is all together under one roof, we are settled together, home in every sense of the word

Growth happens at grass roots level and deeper,
we have been back to grass roots this past week or so,
space and time lets that happen, distance allows for much,
new experiences, perspective, sleep and rest, recouperation, vision (over visibility I wonder?),
sweeping the path in front of us to allow the next steps to take place.

Tonight I'm still on french time, up late, yet contented, brain working overtime and yet overridingly happy, as lots of thoughts cross over one another...
mostly not ones for this page, perhaps.

However,
there was a beautiful, simple church in the village, open all day and all night...a reminder to me of a church whose doors were similarly open years ago and which back then had somehow made me feel less alone without demanding anything, a sense of comfort and refuge.

Tonight I guess I am thankful, I have no real idea of how we ended up washed up on the shore, but somehow we have, and as I look around I am thankful that I still have all those I call family around me...and conscious that we can only ever be thankful for the moments as we have them.
It's back to those grass roots that a dear friend was talking about earlier today.

and from an e mail that came through on my return, words I liked,

Happiness keeps you Sweet,
Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrows keep you Human,
Failures keep you Humble,
Success keeps you Glowing,
But .... Only Friends ...
Keep You Going !!!

Escape...

We forgot the laptop but arrived in france, and almost immediately we found a slower pace of life, rest, wonderful food, and an amazing bistro where we can eat surrounded by art of all kinds.

Our daughter is safe and enjoying life in Cannes, alongside Roger Moore... lucky girl :) She didn't get his autograph or her photo with him though!
And our son is having a good time at home, which means we are free and can relax and take in the atmosphere and architecture whilst making time for patisseries along the way...

It is amazing how a few details can totally change the feel of a place - shutters on windows and details on roofs, brickwork around doors and windows....it seems they take care over the small things that are so often overlooked.

So I am on the hotel's computer and getting to grips slowly with the continental keyboard, slightly tricky to adjust to... but just felt the desire now I have the time to sit and blog... a luxury, along with time to appreciate our surroundings and capture some of them - photos will have to wait till I am home though.

Today's highlight, or at least one of them, was sharing a rather large spabath with an entire french football team... they were using it to stretch in... and I was, well... I was admiring the view (it did overlook the sea...) and feeling the benefits of the bubbles as they energised my being...I came away feeling very very rested... good for the soul, great therapy! I can recommend it :)

I think I'm getting the hang of this self care thing, life can be good aswell as tough and trying.
So, aurevoir till I return and Bon soir :)
xx
(the french aways do it twice)

"The greatest imperfection is in our inward sight, that is, to be ghosts unto our own eyes"

a quote from Sir Thomas Browne, which marks the beginning of a book I picked up at the airport on my way to one of our neighbouring islands yesterday and which is proving to be an addictive read.

The holidays are here, and with our daughter away in Cannes slumming it in a hotel (and looking every bit the part and far older than her years... hmmmm), the house is extra quiet. Dynamics alter and we get space and time to spend in different ways.

Space and time, our own space and time that is, is incredibly valuable, and yet it can disappear so slowly as to be almost imperceptible, until it is almost nonexistent, by which time we crave something we can barely remember.

I guess that's why to sit and read has felt like such a gift, remembering not so long ago when it felt just too dangerous to sit and read because to do that, to disappear into myself for any length of time, would mean taking my eye off the ball so to speak, and that was a risk I just wasn't going to take.
It's easy for other people to say you need to take time out, and yet people in general are unlikely to do that unless they feel it is safe to do so..

And yet the value of time to reflect and look inwards, quiet time to silence the noise from within and settle, to find peace is immeasurable, to be able to let it process... and allow it to be.

And if for some reason that opportunity is denied, we find ways of sneaking a few minutes here and there. We always seek to fill what is missing I guess...when we listen to our inner voices and follow where they lead.

Now, if only I could find those inward looking minutes in daylight instead of the wee small hours.
But there is something about the night, and the dark, and the silence, and the rain on the roof, that is soothing, and yet exciting, and that keeps me awake and pondering on life and love and pain, and all the big things that combine to enable us to say that we are truly living as opposed to merely existing.

The connection to the quote... no more initially than I liked it and it led to more pondering... :)

(just before dark 8.7.09)

Sometimes pearls of wisdom pop into my inbox - the round robin type e mails that you (I) so often read, smile and delete, but I liked this one ~


Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me..
It is the most-requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. (I would add a couple of other in here, but it's not my list!! ;)

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret,you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks. (thankfully!)

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do .

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."